Friday, 21 August 2009

"Haggis Eating Surrender Monkey"

Gordon Brown, leader of the Anglo-Caledonian alliance known as the 'Haggis Eating Arctic Surrender Monkeys' is tomorrow going to say that he is livid about the fact that his letter to Colonel Gaddafi demanding 'sensitivity' was leaked to the press.

Brown does not know how to express his outrage, partly because his speech has not yet been drafted by Lord Mandelson. But let there be no doubt: Outraged he is.

Brown wants an investigation. He cannot fathom why any official, adviser... any apparatchik could possibly suggest that he, the PM literally begged for sensitivity to be observed. The leader is known to be a subtle man - not one for blowing his own trumpet. And he wants this subtlety to remain just that: Something that only emerges when subtlety dictates.

So we are left asking, what is the cause of this surge of subtlety in this, our Scottish Prime Minister? Why would he not want his subtle letter to the Libyan Dictator to come out? "I'll just say this." said the PM. "You'll have to ask that bloody Glaswegian, Alex Salmond if yee want ta read the roons. I'm an Edinburgh man mah-self. And indeed we know just how ta do subtlety."

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