Saturday, 28 May 2011

Too big to fail

The world's leading banks held billions of dollars on behalf of Colonel Gaddafi's regime, it was revealed this week. Here the Colonel gives us his "take".

"I like to thank these banks that were keeping my money safe during financial crisis that was happening in 2008. These, they were difficult times for everybody, not least, for great leaders of great nation like myself, who have invest so much money in your highly respectable banking institutions.

"I also like to thank the politicians who, at this time, bailed out those banks and who made sure that the precious billions my family had hoarded, that they were not in any jeopardy. Me, my family, all of us, we had worked very hard over the many years since I had come to power to earn this money. We sweated hard, we were fighting hard, we struggle hard to skim off as much as we possibly could from my country and from its coffers, in order to ensure we could keep on funding and investing in the good causes that we believe in so much - like the paying of foreign mercenary to guarantee the stability of Gaddafi regime. So we give many thanks to your politician who make sure that these banks that hold our money, that they did not collapse. We give big thanks.

"But most of all, we thank your taxpayer, who was giving his hard earned money to the politician, who then gave it to the banks, who then paid some of it to themselves and who then also use it to secure and guarantee the money that me and my family, we invest with them. Without you taxpayer, how could we have survived? How could we have paid those mercenary? How could we have paid your companies for the crowd control weaponry that your government, it kindly sold us in 2009? We thank you Mister Taxpayer - most of all people - we thank you!

"Of course, since that time, the ground, it has shifted under our feets, and your current bastard politician, they are freezing the assets of the Libyan regime. They make it so that we cannot touch it, this hard-earned money. What is the point of that, I ask you, when it could be put to such good uses? What is the point, indeed?

"But, I suppose the money, it was good and worthy while it lasted. It was - for a while at least - still put to many good uses. And as they say with the money that you have on this earth while you are alive, you can't take it with you when you go, when you die. That is indeed what they say. And so, it is true, I suppose, that I wouldn't be taking it with me when I go, when I die either. Which probably won't be that long now."