So, 'K' is allowed to blog again. I can't discuss my friends and for now at least I can't even point you to my entry in wikipedia, precisely because it gives a genuine indication of who I am - and who I know. The lawyers won't even let me 'cross-reference' it.
And why? Because people could add the false information (the allusions, the pseudonyms) to the true information (the wiki entries, the real names - even first names!), and, bang, two plus minus-two equals foreplay.
The lawyers think that, through a process of deduction, readers will discover which powerful people are currently telling lies to the British public, and which rich and famous people have lost their shirts in that mirage we call Dubai. And we can't have people knowing that, can we, darlings? Well, you know what I think about Dubai? I say, what do you think happens when you try building pyramids in the sand? You end up with riddles.
So what this all means is that I can talk sex, but only blindfolded and I can talk money, but not when it's hidden in numbered bank accounts. And if there is a hint of 'attribution' the legal guys will come down on us like a ton of injunctions!
So instead I have decided to discuss something that is oh so terribly close to 'K's' heart. And that is climate change! I've been doing my bit to save the planet for near on twenty years. My good friends Bob Geldof and Silvio Berlusconi introduced me... oh dear, better not mention them. They're lovely guys. But I am now so terrified of lawyers that I dare not name real people, even in such a positive light!
But as I was saying, I have been a passionate advocate of the green agenda for twenty years. I have attended countless celebrity parties, rock concerts, television fund raising events, proving beyond any doubt my total commitment to the cause. I have argued with politicians, I have shouted at environmental vandals (You know who you are boys). And I will carry on marching, whenever I have to, in order to prove what should be obvious to everyone: Climate change is the single biggest issue threatening this planet.
So you might be able to stop 'K' talking about the powerful, you can stop her discussing the rich and famous, but you will never ever stop her talking about global warming. Because at the end of the day, all that really counts in this life is passion, all that really counts is feeling and emotion and the urge to shout and tell everybody to sit up and take note. And if you have that passion, darlings, and you are ready to shout and shout and shout about global warming, then you are on your way to conquering the world. Like me! Darlings!
By guest blogger, K!