Monday 4 January 2010

Justice Secretary denies problem with full-body scanners

Jack Straw has denied that full-body scanners are a waste of time because they don't detect low-density materials. Security experts have suggested that the scanners will not detect materials such as straw or paper.

The Justice Secretary said, "This does not matter as the full-body scanners will not be used on men of straw such as myself or paper tigers such as The Prime Minister."

He added, "Anyway the introduction of the scanners is just one of Gordon's marketing gimmicks aimed to make him look tough, like a real tiger.... Grrrrr!"

Monday News in Brief

Government denies Yemen policy is reactive

The government has denied plans to send a task force to the Yemen are reactive. "It was always our intention to intervene in the Yemen even before the failed Christmas Day bombing."

Government denies Yemen policy is just PR spin

The government has denied plans to send a task force to the Yemen are PR spin. "We had no intention of intervening in the Yemen before the failed Christmas Day bombing."