Monday, 7 September 2009

They, like, hurt my feelings, man.

A controversial tribunal decision that company practices discriminate against employees with strongly held views on drug taking will be challenged in the courts. Executive Tim RoadChief who is a member of the Native American Church of Navajoland claimed that he was unfairly dismissed by the airline British Virginways because of his insistence on flying planes whilst high on the hallucinogenic Mexican cactus peyote.

Tim Roadchief believes that his philosophical belief in 'North American Peyotism' should allow him the same protection against discrimination as other religious beliefs. Roadchief was dismissed after an incident where in the midst of one of his 'vision quests' involving fasting, solitude, and quiet but steady contemplation, he attempted to fly a Jumbo Jet from New York to London.

Virginways bosses dismissed him on the spot, but Roadchief's lawyer has filed an action claiming that the law needs to be clarified for the increasing numbers of people who take a philosophical stance on the drug taking environment and 'altered states'. "People should be able to express views and act accordingly without fear of retribution or discrimination."

Tim Roadchief himself commented: "All I tried to do was bring onto the plane my friends Cedar Man, Fire Man, Drum Man, and Earth Mother. These guys were carrying nothing more than an eagle bone whistle, various feather fans, water drum, and prayer staff. I kinda believe in this peyotism shit man, so like it follows that it must be religious discrimination if the boss man then dismisses me for acting on those beliefs. Don't it?"

News in Brief: Monday Morning City Round Up.

- The Two Handed Economist: The economist famous for predicting the credit crunch has offered his view on prospects for economic recovery. He has quite unequivocally stated that, on the one hand there could be a U shaped recovery, but on the other hand there could be a 'double dip' (sometimes referred to as a 'W'). When asked whether this was really a prediction, he replied: "Yes indeed, it is a prediction... a prediction of all possible scenarios." Would a U-shaped recovery be a thin-U, he was then asked... Or fat-U? The angry economist replied: "Fat-U too."

- An equality watchdog has suggested that women have much smaller boners than men. A survey commissioned by the equalities and human rights commission has shown that women in the Square Mile are not getting it on as much as men, leading some to suggest that 'Sex and the City' is a myth.

- The European Network and Information Agency has warned of an alarming increase in bank account 'skimming' across Europe. Despite a high profile campaign over the past few years, banks are still whacking customers with exorbitant charges for minor overdraft transgressions. In addition, despite interest rates being at an all time low, banks are still squeezing customers with high levels of interest on mortgages, loans and credit card debt.