Sunday, 24 April 2011

Judge Dreadful

At a time when victimised celebrities the world over are coming under sustained attack from the "Freedom of Information League" one man defends the rights of those celebrities. His name is Judge Dreadful - though he sometimes operates under the aliases "Judge Needy" or "Judge Dodgy".

He, and he alone, safeguards the right to engage in hypocrisy. He alone safeguards the right to sleep with prostitutes and deny it. He alone safeguards the right to screw people left right and centre, to lie, to cheat, to deceive and generally to undermine the fabric of society... and yet, still appear the picture of respectability.

He is a man on a mission. Here is his charter:-

- Everyone in the legal profession, in Parliament, in society despises me. Therefore I take it upon myself to defend those who, through no fault of their own, find themselves despised (assuming they are wealthy enough to afford a lawyer).

- You can wake me up at any time of the day or night and ask me to issue a super-injunction - so long as you have huge amounts of cash at your disposal.

- I am the guardian of the hypocrits, the fakes, the bullshitters, in their basic requirement to be defended from those investigative journalists who march under the banner of "truth".

- If you are poor and you cannot afford a good libel lawyer, then fuck off.

- One day I might need the European Convention on Human Rights to defend myself from the "truth-seekers", so I am probably onto a good thing.

- You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

- I might bring the legal profession into disrepute, but if you say as much, I'll sue your arse.

- Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? I reply: Who gives a damn?

(NB. All of the above is subject to a super-injunction, so it's illegal to read any of it.)