Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Self-Hating Search Engine

BREAKING: The world's most popular search engine Faustus is a disgrace, its founder claims. And in a statement that will shake Silicon Valley he says, selling your soul is no longer okay - even in the world of tech.

"We used our search engine to look up Faustus," said the founder Dr. Faustus at today's press conference. "And frankly, we were horrified. We'd assumed it would give us entries for knowledge and truth and the free flow of information. But all it came up with was filtering and censorship and selling-out. It was distressing."

"This company has principles, so there was only one thing for it. We called in the image consultants. They said we were no longer hip, cool, trendy. And, as everyone knows, those are our core principles! Consider the jukeboxes."

"We also learned that these days people associate us rather more with advertising than learning and knowledge. They reckon we sold out. Can you believe it?"

Faustus said the company will also end its controversial dealings with Lucifer. "A nightmare from start to finish. Selling your soul? It should be a piece of cake in this day and age. What globalisation's all about, right? But no. In the end we decided, if the devil won't take us seriously and deliver easy money, then on principle, if nothing else, we won't hang about. It is for others now to decide whether they wish to burn in hell for all eternity... Which they will, unless they do what we've done."