Thursday, 5 May 2011

Afterlife 2

(An autocrat and a terrorist bogeyman discuss conspiracy theories)

Osama: You heard the latest conspiracy theory, brother?

Saddam: No, tell me about it.

Osama: People are refusing to believe I'm really dead.

Saddam: That's crazy.

Osama: Indeed it is, brother. Apparently the American government is refusing to release pictures of me. They say it might inflame my supporters. But some people on Earth have concluded that the real reason they won't release the pics is because I'm not really dead.

Saddam: Ha! Priceless, bro'. What a joke... Though I have to say it would make little difference if they did release them. Everyone saw pictures of my capture and execution, but conspiracy theories continue to circulate.

Osama: What? They saying you're not really dead?

Saddam: Yes... Can you believe it? People say I'm not really dead!

Osama: It's totally mad.

Saddam: Yep, but what can you do, brother? People love their consiracy theories. They need them... almost as much as they need us!

Osama: That's ridiculous. How can our followers need conspiracy theories as much as they need us?

Saddam: Not just our followers, brother. Our enemies need them too. A lot of them also want to believe that the likes of you and I aren't dead.

Osama: Struth! Mad old world, isn't it?

Saddam: Mad old world indeed.

Osama: Thing is, I want people to believe I'm dead... Then they might rise up in rage.

Saddam: I know what you mean, brother. That's exactly what they would do - rise up in rage. And so it's almost as though our enemies want people to believe the conspiracy theories. It means they've got us where they want us, but our followers do not.

Osama: Do not what?

Saddam: Do not have us where they want us.

Osama: Oh! I see what you mean, brother. Our followers want us in a place that'll make them rise up in rage. But our enemies do not.

Saddam: Exactly, brother... And now our followers, they cannot rise up in rage.

Osama: The cunning of the infidel never ceases to amaze me!

Saddam: Tell me about it, bro'... Although, it could be worse.

Osama: How so?

Saddam: It could be like Elvis over there.

Osama: Elvis? He's here? In this place? How so?

Saddam: Didn't anyone tell you bro'? This is actually the place where they send all the celebrity guys like us that people refuse to believe are really dead. It's a kind of like a purgatory, a conceptual celebrity purgatory. The big guy sends you here when the fans and followers refuse to believe you're dead.

Osama: I didn't know such places existed. The big guy didn't tell us.

Saddam: I know. I only found out about it myself a couple of years ago. It's what comes from having a fan club. There's no release or, at least, no final absolute release... It probably also explains the lack of virgins here too, brother.

Osama: And all the famous people, believers and non-believers alike come here?

Saddam: All the celebrities. I even saw JFK the other day?

Osama: JFK? Hold on! Everyone accepts that he's dead. The conspiracies surrounding him are not over whether he is dead but who killed him.

Saddam: You think, brother? Well, think again. There's actually another lesser known conspiracy that he's not really dead.

Osama: Struth! I had no idea... These conspiracy theorists think of everything.

Saddam: They do indeed!

Osama: So anyway, tell me about Elvis.

Saddam: Elvis?

Osama: Yes, Elvis. You said it could be worse, like it is for Elvis.

Saddam: Oh, yes. So I did, brother. Yes, poor Elvis. Well the thing about him is that he's stuck in this concept purgatory like the rest of us. Meantime, back on earth, all this speculation about whether he is really dead or not serves only to sell more records. The Elvis estate is still expanding... even now.

Osama: I follow you. So what's the problem with that, brother?

Saddam: Well, you heard the saying: you can't take it with you?

Osama: Ah! I see what you mean, brother. He cannot take it with him. That's must be very frustrating.

Saddam: Very frustrating indeed, brother.

Osama: But then, in our own way, we have not been able to take it - whatever it might be - with us, brother.

Saddam: You'd really want to, brother? Take it - whatever it is - with you?

Osama: Hmm... perhaps not, brother. Perhaps I wouldn't really want to.

Saddam: No, exactly brother!