Monday, 31 August 2009


The Magistrates Association has apparently claimed that new powers to impose Drinking Banning Orders - dubbed "booze Asbos" - on people who behave anti-socially while drunk are nonsense. Police and councils in England and Wales will be able to seek such an order on anyone aged 16 and over, banning offenders from from pubs, bars, off-licences and named areas for up to two years or face a £2,500 fine.

Asbooze as they are to be called will be issued to anybody found to be slurring their words, walking with unsteady gait, sporting ruddy cheeks or behaving in an unduly amorous fashion towards their partner. It will not cover the other tendency generally associated with alcohol - violent or aggressive behaviour - as these are already covered by existing Asbo regulations.

Magistrates and politicians on both sides of the house are particularly concerned that Asbooze will hit them hard as they number amongst them some of the heaviest drinkers in the land. Politicians are especially hoping that there will be exemptions for them as it is considered part of their job to talk nonsense and display a range of inappropriate emotions. However the Home Secretary today issued a statement clarifying the situation: "Whaddya chalking about? I defry anyone tchoo... tyoo tell me I cun... I can, cun't have anozzer trink. Juss one more, one likkle trink... Oh, go on, pleasshhe."