Dear Mr. Murdoch, Sir.
I would like to say how grateful I am that you have decided to support the Conservative Party. I have always been a big admirer of yours and have always enjoyed reading your really excellent papers, especially the one where the women show their protuberances.
I promise you that I will not let you down. I will do all of those of things that those fibbers and cheats in the Labour Party said that they would do but did not do. I will follow whatever you say on Europe and I assure you that I will not pass any laws that upset business people like yourself.
I will not behave like a toffee-nosed, arrogant public school boy but will understand the needs and aspirations of the common folk and help them to watch your television channels even more regularly than they already do.
I will listen to all your representatives on earth such as the journalists that you employ. And I will help the poor people in the BBC and ITV who wish that you could own their companies so that they could work for your good self. And I hope that if and whenever this happens, that they can start making really good programmes like the ones that you see nowadays on Sky TV
I will allow you to clean up those last bastions of restrictive practices in the media... In actual fact, I will quite simply let you... 'clean up'.
I will always remain your humble servant.
Yours very, very faithfully,