Monday, 1 February 2010

Culture and Entertainment News

The greatest joke ever written - Martin Amis has shown that even at sixty he hasn't lost his touch. In advance of his 12th novel, The Pregnant Widow, he has written what some critics are calling 'the greatest joke ever written'. In an interview to the Guardian newspaper today he claimed: "I am probably the biggest feminist since Norman Mailer. I have been a feminist as long as I can remember. Salman Rushdie showed me what to do. And it only took a day."
The joke was so brilliant and the laughter so intense that the interview couldn't continue. Although Amis did manage to squeeze out one last utterance as he left: "Dad always said that I was probably the best writer since Kingsley Amis."

Geeks bearing gaffes - Apple Corporation has pointed out that it is in no way connected to the apple mentioned in Genesis: The Garden of Eden. A spokesman said, "One is the quintessential temptation of man and has generated billions of gullible followers worldwide. The other is just a religious parable written long, long ago."

I Claudius - The estate of Robert Graves would like to point out to anyone who knows what a book is that the Apple iPad is in no way connected to Graves' historical novel. "The Emperor Claudius lived two thousand years ago and we still know of him now. What's more, his name might still be around in two thousand years time."


  1. Why on earth would anyone want to be a feminist when Catherine Deneuve no longer returns my calls?

  2. Why on earth would anyone want to be a feminist when Camille Paglia calls herself a feminist?

  3. What the fuck! How can Shere Hite have the chutzpah to call herself a feminist when she refused to endorse my last album?

  4. Jesus H Christ!!! How the fuck can Madonna think she's entitled to practice Kabbalah just on the basis that she spinkles the odd word of yiddish around now and then??!!!

  5. How vulgar. My son a feminist?
    Always said the boy wouldn't amount to much

  6. No. They really are connected. My mate Nat told me. And his dad told him.
    Who the fuck is Robert Graves? Sounds like a dead fucker

  7. The boy had achieved in an age of austerity - and that's just Pa's writing were talking about here.

  8. Knock Apple at your peril.
    Sounds like the right thing to say

  9. Polly Toynbee Or-not Toynbee2 February 2010 at 10:44

    Isn't it wonderful, chatterers? The Guardian is going to have regular weekly supplements telling us what new products Apple are designing.
    The Graun is like a big wonderful PR company, marketing lots of lovely Apples products.
    You could say, the Guardian of the Apple... kinda like Eve... or not, I suppose.
    Et in Arcadia Ego!

  10. Mighty strange chaps, these liberals, I find. Put a comment earlier on bbc blogs - Stephanie (flat as) Flanders one to be precise.
    You see, she compared Dave Cameron to Dicky Nixon and talked about his being in denial.
    I wrote in the comments section, "You ever been in denial, Steph? Eh Steph?"
    Well, blow me down. Beeb put the comment up for a short while. Then clearly one of these 'liberals' decided that it should be removed.
    Point is, can't quite see why these fellows are called liberals any more.
    In my day, liberals had an air of earnest grottiness about them, but they did let other people get a word in... occasionally.
    But the current lot, you know, Labour, BBC, Grauniad etc tend to worship at the shrine of Pol Pot, rather than smoke pot.
    Anyway, clearly Steph the Eff can dish it out, but when it comes to 'being in denial', there's one filly who is clearly in denial.
    Eh, Steph?

  11. I always thought Siegfried Sassoon had a hairdressing salon in Dodge City.