Sunday, 27 February 2011

Weapons of mass extraction

An academic gives us his "take" on the oil crisis currently facing the West

"I'm told certain people have started referring to oil as a weapon of mass destruction. Mischievous wags in the media - they know who they are and where we academics can find them - claim the Gulf oil spill of 2010 was a "crude" and wanton act of Eco-vandalism. These wags have the temerity to suggest the spill wreaked more havoc than any "chemical weapon" Colonel Gaddafi of Libya could have dreamed up.

"As a learned gentleman and one who knows something about these matters, we, or rather I, would like to set the record straight.

- Oil is NOT a weapon of mass destruction. What kind of person would consider it desirable to flood the Caribbean and all its pleasant little tax havens with the proceeds of "black gold"? What a terrible waste that would be!

- No Libyans were hurt at any time during the making of the BP oil spill

- Not one single off-shore bank account in the Caribbean - or anywhere else in the world for that matter - was under any threat whatsoever during the crisis

- The Bermuda Triangle has been responsible for more deaths and disappearances than the BP oil spill and Colonel Gaddafi's security forces put together (according to official figures knocked up by my undergraduate gophers on their Apple-Macs using internationally accepted algorithms).

I trust this sets the record straight

Professor Cant, Emeritus Professor of Lies, Damn Lies and Algorithms, The London School of Economics

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