A government scientist called Deirdre has identified four hundred and ninety two ways in which ordinary members of the public might die next year and is urging the government to insure against each and every one of them.
Following on from the last Labour government's purchase of ninety million doses of Tamiflu that will never be used, Dame Deirdre, as she is known to her friends, suggested that governments around the world should buy every quack remedy known to man because "even if they save one life, they are worth 850 Million pounds at the very least."
"Remember, we are talking about insurance policies here. And as with all good insurance policies you pay a massive amount of money for something that might never happen. The great advantage of these policies is that someone else gets very rich off the back of your stupidity."
She continued: "And the real upside is that the companies that produce these worthless drugs give politicans and apparatchiks like myself lucrative jobs after we have left government and none of you suckers are any the wiser."
"As the legendary Meerkat in that insurance advert says: "Simples".