Friday, 9 April 2010

WARNING to ALL BLOGGERS: Prescott letter

There is a scam currently circulating the internet that is primarily targetting political bloggers. It purports to be from a victim of John Prescott's and it claims that the ex-Cabinet minister regularly parks his Jaguars and various other vehicles in the victim's driveway. It also asks for money to enable the victim to engage in acts of wanton violence towards Mr Prescott's assorted vehicles. Under no circumstances should bloggers, political or otherwise, respond to it. A copy is posted here:-

"Dear kind sir and blogger,

Your Mr John Prescott threatened to hit me the other day, simply because I asked him to move both of his Jaguars from my driveway.

I am a man of simple means and I pay a lot of money to come here to your country to buy postal votes. But I only possess just one driveway where I live and I have asked your Mr Prescott to move his vehicles on countless occasions, but to no avail. He is also quite a fat man and he always leaves his KFC boxes in my bush (with some chicken pieces still in them and the soggy chips).

What kind of an impression will this give to any foreign national, non-dom living in England? I am never going to come here again to try voting. It is expensive and people like Cabinet Minister Mr Prescott park their vehicles in driveways willy nilly. Also the postal vote is not so good as it seems. It requires stamps unlike the ordinary votes where you only pay just for the vote itself and nothing else.

If you do feel an ounce of sympathy for me, can I ask that you sponsor my act of wanton vandalisms towards your Mr John Prescott's cars?

10p will pay for me to throw stone at car.
20p will pay for two stones.
One pound will pay for small brick on bonnet
Two pounds and I let (three) tires down
Ten pounds pays for me to steal all the wheels (I keep the alloys for my self).
One hundred and thirty nine pounds and five pence pays for the glass all to be smashed
Two hundred pounds and ninety pence, and I will call your Mr. Prescott a bloated northern sh*t-faced stinking philandering swine to his face and then kick the wing of all these Jaguar cars in front of him personally.
Three hundred and forty pounds and seventy seven pence and I will deck the superannuated masturbater, and tell him what a flabby vomiting sonofbitch motherf***er he is and then scream that his wife enjoys love making with his subordinate chimpanzee civil servant workers up the back passage, and finally torch all his cars with paraffin and blowtorch (unlicensed) - as I am trained to do back home.

Please give generously. I love democracy.

If you receive this scam, please delete it immediately or report it to the relevant authorities.


  1. I'll have you know that I have no necessitation to park nor keep any sort of vehicular product on other peoples front lawn. Any suggestion to the otherwise will result in a consultation with my solicitators

  2. The Real John Prescott (Right Hon)9 April 2010 at 01:22

    Can I just say that any peoples who are purporting to be me or any other John Prescott are not in any way connected with my good self and should be ignored in no uncertain terms. The person who left the comment above under my name was not withstanding said statement

  3. The Official Actual and Right Hon Mr J Prescott9 April 2010 at 01:24

    Can I please state to all and sundry that the despicable commentary on this website purporting to be my good self and notwithstanding the fact that it is evidently another as evidenced by the deliberated mocking of my Northern accent and my particulars is nothing short of despicable.

  4. Lady Pauline said...

    OO ate all it pies.

  5. I am a long term supporter of all that Mr Prescott does, including the vomiting and secretary shagging, so I find this article thoroughly despicable. And I have a good mind to forward it to him

  6. (The Real) Michael Caine9 April 2010 at 11:14

    I noticed that everyone is picking up on your ar'icle a couple of days ago about my famous line in the Italian job. Not many people know the original line was changed to the now oft quoted one and that in an earlier cut Coaker actually said, "You were only bloody supposed to bloody blow the bloody bloody doors bloody well off."
    Not many people know that.

  7. Officially Watermarked Rt Hon John St John Prescoot9 April 2010 at 11:20

    I would like to bring to your attention, notwithstanding the other jokers what claim to be my good self that it is a criminal offence of state to engage in impersonation an ex Member of her majesty's government with a view to the willful disregardance of respect for said member. I would warn that this unrespectful behaviour might well ingratiate yourselves with your readership but that my super-conjunction from my solicitators will make your smile very much be wiped off to the other side of your face.

  8. I think that it is really despicable that they changed the line in the Italian Job. The first had far more of the Caine mojo

  9. Does anyone know why John Prescott is in the news so much right now? He's a bit of joke figure nowadays surely?

  10. This is silly nonsense. I am man who writes the letter and you make me seem mad. I will talk to your President and complain about terrible treatment