Thursday, 8 April 2010

Gordon Brown to offer Indulgence Derivatives

Gordon Brown will offer the British public a new, more ethical investment product if he is re-elected in May. In a tie up with the Catholic Church labeled PPP (Papal Protestant Partnership) the Indulgence Derivative will be an ethical form of toxic waste that'll allow the buyer the right but not the obligation to go to Heaven. We caught up with the Prime Minister, The Pope and Brad, Head of Derivative Sales at securities firm Japey, Moron and Sucks as they discussed this new class of ethical investment. This is a snapshot of the meeting - an extended version will be published later this month.

Brown: Your Holiness, you say these products have to be secured on Church of England assets?

Pope: That is correct, Premier Gordon.

Brown: But, I am not sure the British public will be happy with such an arrangement. The assets will be at risk, will they not?

Pope: But Mister Gordon, your British public will not understand the arrangement as such... Just as they did not understand any of these credit derivatives that screwed your economy a couple of years back and that are now costing them an arm and a leg.

Brown: Well, it was all a bit more complicated than that, Your Holiness. But anyway, I am still worried that when the British people understand the liabilities of this particular deal...

Brad: (Loudly interrupting) Guys, guys, guys!  I'm sorry to have to remind you but - Hello? - time is money. And these negotiations are charged by... the... minute... Got that? Now can we just move on and agree this deal... like, before all this waffle bankrupts your respective nations?

(to be continued...)


  1. please explain the motivation behind exercising such an option. Is it to do with the uncertainty around hell as a place of hedonism/s&m and eternal fornication - thus a reason not to exercise?

  2. Sounds good to me

  3. Sounds good to me too for once