Saturday, 17 April 2010

Morgan the Vulture and Barcode Bob

Summer 2010 - St Jean - Morgan peers out over the Med - Matt's point about 'Goldie' is bothering him. Has he tapped into something significant - public anger, public disquiet? People see blood-sucking parasites everywhere they look nowadays. The papers bang on about vampire squid and vultures. Last night at Le Cap, he listened in as a bunch of wealthy humans discussed 'bankers': "They're going for Goldie; who's next? Barcode Bob?"

He thinks: Goldie? Do humans have their own 'Goldies' - their own bloodsuckers? Maybe every species has its parasites - like every species has its mugs, its slaves, its worker bees. And what of Barcode Bob? Does he deserve what's coming to him? What exactly is coming to him? Being a parasite - was it okay once? But now... a bit last season?

He asks Matt where that other 'Goldie' - the squid - lives, and pays him a visit. The squid and the vulture know right away - forget Darwin - that they're same species. They get on like a house on fire, swallowing endless Martinis and ramming enough coke up their breathing apparatus to kill a horse . "Every creature," says Goldie, "Every 'Morgan', every 'Goldie' can go too far sometimes - if they're allowed. Like drug addicts, they'll take everything they can lay their hands on. But because we're talking money here, and because money ain't a drug - not officially at least - they can say to the political animals, the self styled kings of beasts: DON'T tell us what to do. DON'T regulate us. This is real life. This is not a drug... or some kindergarten fantasy. You CANNOT regulate real life... Oh, and just to show we're on the right side, and that we really do care.... here, have some of our, like, earnings, our largesse... and why not come and stay some time? And now, could you please run along and kindly get the fuck out of our lives."

"Well, well, well. I cannot tell you how often I have used that line." says Morgan

Goldie laughs. "Me too."

"It works. Every time."

"Maybe it shouldn't. Sometimes we need to be saved from ourselves."

"Sometimes... perhaps. I know a lot of dead vultures... guys who were a little too greedy. Ended up eating their own livers, their own viscera."

"Yuk. Heard similar stories."

"Problem is, Goldie, these self-styled "political animals" - the ones who say they'll contend with the really greedy guys - they can end up going too far in the other direction... stopping everything. Or sometimes they say they'll stop the greed... until they get a taste for it."

"You know why that is?"

"I got a view. Love to hear yours."

"They're only in it for themselves... this political class, this leadership class"

"They'd deny that, most of them. And I've argued this, both sides, many times."

"Believe me. They are. Some of them don't even realise it. A lot of it's psychological, why they want power... You know, fucked up childhoods, hang-ups about being short, that kinda thing."

"Anyway, there's some other Goldie, I understand - some human Goldie - and apparently, he's going down.

"Yep. Got too greedy, they say. One of them banker guys."

"Something else I overheard at Le Cap... Who's this Barcode Bob guy they're talking about?"

"Barcode Bob, the Bottomfeeder. Ha! I reckon... I reckon they might indict him on similar charges as Goldie at some point. More greed... He was doing fine, making a stack. Then he and his bottom feeder associates, they thought they'd tart up some low grade innards and other crap and then - get this - sell it to the big, big fish - the sharks, the barracuda, even the whales. Can you believe it?"

"Jeeeesuz! I thought those guys never touched that kind of stuff."

"Yep," replies the squid. "Never as simple as it seems though is it?"

"You're not kidding."

"And I'll tell you something else."

"What's that?"

"They say Barcode Bob knows where one or two bodies are buried."

"Bodies? Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

(To be continued...)


  1. Get on with the second friggin' instalment please

  2. Ok so some of these filthy rich, perhaps they weren't so nice after all.

  3. Money money money... that's all I care about me.

  4. The route to electoral reform ain't about us electing other people through a presently corrupt system who have vested interests and loyalties

  5. I would love to see whether Brown has the balls.
    All credit to Obama!

  6. People who protect these parasites will no doubt get their comeuppance

  7. Barcode.... Hmmm. Diamond geezer?

  8. Excuse me but what exactly is the Brit record on prosecuting banks?
    Utter, utter.... Well not fit to state on a mild mannered site like this