Saturday, 12 November 2011

We're no wise-guys!

A newspaper magnate writes:

"I would like to comment on what I deem to be the somewhat inappropriate remarks made by a certain Mr. Watson during the select committee hearing that I had the good fortune to attend this week.

"Mr. Watson insinuated on a number of occasions that the behaviour of myself and Papa over recent years might well be compared (although not confined) to the various actions of our good friend and confidante Don Vito, whom, incidentally I have rarely met, and then only in circumstances where it was appropriate to discuss a recent baseball game or the declining state of European finances.

"Whilst it is commonplace for successful senior executives such as myself to "hang out" with wise-guys from time to time, this should in no way be taken to infer that Papa or I in any way condone the actions of such guys, which invariably, I am told, include the pursuit, surveillance and "taking out" of enemies and the planting of horses heads in bed-clothing in order to generate a sense of menace thereof.

"I can state quite categorically that, to the best of my knowledge, the organisation that Papa and I currently run is in most instances thoroughly "clean". Where certain indiscretions, like those indicated, but as yet unproven by the select committee, have indeed occurred this will have been simply on the basis of expediency. And those executives who have engaged in said indiscretions will have, for the most part, been dealt with in the appropriate manner (which, for the sake of confidentiality, I am not at liberty to divulge.)

"I hope that this sets the record straight. I trust that it is also clear from the tone of my statement herein that I do in no way display the style nor the nuances of a Capo (di tutti Capi or otherwise), but rather those of a Harvard man who has succesfully gone on to run a global media concern. As for Mr. Watson, I am unable in this instance to say how exactly we will respond to the allegations that he made this week. This is due to the fact that my organisation's code of honour expressly forbids me from doing so.

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