Thursday, 3 February 2011

Hosni and Naomi

She broke new ground when she interviewed Hugo Chavez and, more recently, Vladimir Putin. Clearly, she's not just a pretty face. So, ain't it time the genius, the supermodel, the supermodel-genius Naomi Campbell took on Hosni Mukarak?

Naomi: Hello, Mr. President. Can I simply say how fit you're looking today? You really are a sexy beast, aren't you?

Hosni: Thank you, dear lady. You are not lacking in the fitness department yourself.

Naomi: Oh, thank you, El Presidente, if you don't mind me calling you that.

Hosni: Call me what you like, sweetlips. It is all the same to me.

Naomi: Now, I been told by the editor guys at GQ Mag to like probe, to ask you kinda deep and meaningful questions. Like, more political questions, whatever they are. Is that okay by you?

Hosni: Ask away, cutesy pie. I'm all ears.

Naomi: Unlike your political opponents, right Pres?

Hosni: I beg pardon?

Naomi: I mean, you're all ears, unlike your political opponents.

Hosni: Oh, I see. That is right, my political opponents have no ears on account of the fact my guards cut them off.

Naomi: I guess that's, like, some kind of fashion statement, right Pres? Ears are sooo last season.

Hosni: Too right, my saucy little fashion icon.

Naomi: So anyway, Hosni, dude. Here's where I'm getting serious: Can I ask you what it's like being El Presidente of Egypt?

Hosni: Well, as you probably know my dear, right now I have a little local difficulty occurring on the streets of my country.

Naomi: Oh, no, Hos. I didn't know that. Sorry to hear it. Like, what's up?

Hosni: Oh, just popular uprising. Pitched battles in Liberty Square. Hundreds dead. Thousands injured, and all these nasty people telling me I shouldn't be President any more.

Naomi: Oh gee, that's real tough, Hosni dude. Like, is that a typical day in the life of a President of Egypt?

Hosni: No, not really. Normally, typical day is that I torture and kill my opponents. Or, at least that is what my secretive police do.

Naomi: Wow, Hos. I bet that makes them sit up and listen!

Hosni: No, in actual fact, it make them lie down and die!

Naomi: Sharp reply, Hosni, my man. You do have a way with words.

Hosni: Thank you. And I also have a way with the ladies.

Naomi: Not wrong there and that ain't surprising. You're a fit and horny fella. And I'll tell you something I just love about you men in power.

Hosni: Yes, dearest? What is that?

Naomi: It's your uniform.

Hosni: Really?

Naomi: Really. Let me say something, Hosni, my man. You men in your uniforms will never go out of fashion. You'll always look good, so long as you're wearing your uniforms.

Hosni: I am glad to hear that.

Naomi: In fact I'd go so far as to say that uniform is always, always, always in fashion. And you know why?

Hosni: No. Why?

Naomi: Cos it's the one thing people, men and women, all kinds of dudes, always wear. In any season. It don't matter what's happenin' on the runways of Paris or Milano. One thing all men, women and children know is that a policeman's uniform can never, no never ever be thought of as... sooo last season!

Hosni: That is very good for me to hear, my dear. But I just wish you could tell that to the peoples of Egypt.

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