Monday, 13 December 2010

Advertisement: Chicileaks

Are you tired of this "paranoid chic" everyone's talking about? When you get up, do you really want to read what some obscure diplomat said to a State Department official ten years ago? Don't you deserve something better, something cheerier, something that's more fun as you tuck into your morning - or your evening -cornflakes? Isn't it time media started focusing on the things you really care about - things like reality TV, for example?

Well, wait no more. The solution's here. It's not "paranoid chic", ladies and gents. This is called "moronic chic". And you don't need to be thick and working class to embrace it. You see, word on the block is, even the Oxbridge educated bourgeoisie can't get enough of this phenomenon - though there are some who say they should know better. But who am I, you or anyone else to suggest, just because you got a BA Oxon, you should only watch David Starkey or Jeremy Paxman on BBC2? Why shouldn't all you educated people take Simon Cowell into your hearts? Why can't you too spend some time being vacuous after a hard day at the office?

Now you can and with Chicileaks we're really pushing the envelope. You see, we decided that everything Wikileaks does we could do better. We knew you didn't want to wait ten years to find out with whom Simon Cowell almost went to war. We knew you wanted that information now.

At Chicileaks, we give you up to the minute data on who's shagging whom, who'd like to shag whom, who doesn't shag at all, and what Simon Cowell does with his underpants after he's used them - all those behind-the-scenes facts and figures that put the gloss on that glorious world we know and love as reality TV.

Find out: -

- The erotic thoughts passing through Ann Widdecombe's head as she flails around on Strictly Come Dancing.

- What Simon Cowell really thinks about quantitative easing

- Does Jedward really have only one brain between them?

- Is Cheryl Cole as thick as she sounds, or does she have an interest in astrophysics as she claims?

- Will Julian Assange appear on the next series of I'm a Celebrity?

- Is Gillian McKeith tired of examining poo?

- When Lord Sugar tells contestants on The Apprentice, "You're Fired" is he actually thinking: "Who'd want to work for me anyway?"

- Is Britain's decline fueled by the "squeezed" charm of the bourgeoisie

Who gives a toss about any of these question? The answer is YOU DO!

So why waste your brain power on the big issues, the big questions of the day? Why worry about where we're heading - or whether the globalisation model is broken? Why give a damn about how the rest of the world views this country, obsessed as it is with the banal, the vacuous and the mundane? Why not simply snuggle up on the sofa with your "bread and circuses" and put all your troubles away.

Think not: Wikileaks. Think: Chicileaks

Chicileaks - where moronic chic is the order of the day!

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