Tuesday, 31 August 2010

From the office of Guillaume de Normandie

"I know you English, you are not tres capables of listening. So, I say this only once:-

"You peoples, you have not very much moneys right now, partly because of the Anglo-Saxon shopping habits. Napoleon, he should have identify this - you are not seulement a nation of shopkeeper, but aussi of shopping-holic. Also you spend many billions on your silly war in Iraq, because you are wanting to suck up to the stupide Dubya who think that Zola is a make of cooking oil and that Voltaire is a unit of electricity. And look where it is getting you. Absolutement nowhere, but in great poverty, you stupides English.

"Et donc, so you are needing a little help once more from your French friends from across La Manche. You can no longer afford the aircraft carriers. And we are happy to help you out so that you don't feel distress because your navy, it is no longer superieure to the French navy.

"So from now on we will share the costs of the aircraft carrier, even though probablement you cannot afford the aircrafts to put on them. And we are very generous peoples to help you out comme ca. But it is necessaire you are understanding that we French, we are the senior service in this partnership. Senior service - you like our French sense of humour, n'est-ce pas? Senior service!

"Anyways, before this time we was the senior partners with the Concorde of course - which is why we are putting the 'e' on the end of it. We was the senior partners with the Trans-Manche link, because Napoleon, he think of the idea before you English. We was senior partners with the nouvelle cuisine, which you English copy (but not very well, with your silly little portion). Now we are the senior partner with the aircraft carrier, because you English lose all your money. Et donc, that mean that we French, it is us who now rules the waves, just like we did when our Guillaume, he sail over to conquer you English in 1066.

"We decide therefore that the first aircraft carrier that we are sharing with you, it will be called Concorde de Mer. We are thinking that this is very good name for the vessel, and it will be reminding you English who is boss and who will be in charge of the vessel. We are thinking that the Capitaine of the ship, he will always be French as well. And as I say earlier, you probably cannot afford the aircraft to put on the carriers, so we will also be putting all our plane on the board.

"Maybe if this is successful partnership, then you can also give us all your nuclear submarines for safe-keepings, as we are more responsables with all the things atomiques. And then perhaps you can also share your Channel Islands which should always be French all along. In fact, why not make much easier for all of us and retournez the Grand Bretagne to La France once more and then if you are lucky we will conduct another Domesday audit which was so successful the first times round!

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