Friday, 16 July 2010

Bloody-thirsty, psychotic narcissists - and we're not talking psychiatrists

It is always very interesting when another blood-thirsty, psychotic, wife-beating, brutal, murderous, mental, narcissist thug  bursts onto the scene. Aside from the fact that such events are worthy of acres of newsprint and hours of rolling news (even when nothing is actually occurring), there is an obvious benefit for psychiatrists such as myself who get massive exposure - all gratis and for free, I might add.

Events like the murderous rampage of Raoul Moat are becoming all too common in this day and age - which is probably a good thing for men such as myself who are increasingly viewed with suspicion by certain sections of the medical profession as  well as the public at large. For when blood-thirsty, psychotic, wife-beating, brutal, murderous, mental narcissist thugs emerge onto the scene and start killing everybody at random, ordinary folk search for an explanation. Now this is where I come in and where I get the opportunity to try out new buzz-words that I have coined just for such an occasion.

"Future-foreshortening - this is indeed my favorite buzz-word. You could say it has become my buzz-word of the month, my buzz-word "du mois". The  phrase future-foreshortening is one that will forever be associated with myself - a psychiatrist of no mean repute. Here I  have the opportunity to use a word or a sets of words (commonly called 'phrases') that appear original and somewhat scholarly in nature, rather than resorting to simpler, more cliched terminology such as "living as there were no tomorrow" or living for the day."

I get to repeat my pet phrase on live television again and again and people stop and think: What an interesting phrase that psychiatrist has used. I must write it down and remember it. I might even use it myself some day, so that I might indeed sound as lofty and authorative as that fellow on the telly.

And every time I appear on television I will pepper my broadcast liberally with this, my pet phrase. Here is one example:  "The blood-thirsty, psychotic, wife-beating, brutal, murderous, mental, narcissist thug called Moat is engaged in the process of what I call future foreshortening, which means that he can do whatever he wants because he has dispensed with the future. This frame of mind, if I  haven't already mentioned it is call future-foreshortening and future-foreshortening is a new phrase that elegantly describes what I think Moat is doing." And that is why I use the phrase future foreshortening again and again, in interview after interview. And just in case you want to experience the phrase one more time, here it is: future-foreshortening, future-fore-shortening, FUTURE-FORESHORTENING!  Bravo! Encore! That is what you I hear you say. And yes, I agree. It does have a ring to it. So there we are.  Future-foreshortening (Whoops! I used it again. But then you love it don't you?)

Now there are some among you who will say that I am "up my own arse" (or torso-foreshortened, as I call it). You will suggest that I am therefore a narcissist like Raoul Moat. Now most of you who think like that are no doubt fellow psychiatrists who are hacked off, envious I received so much coverage. But when it comes to myself, nothing could be further from the truth. I would like to say that I am unquestionably confident of my own skills, of my in-depth knowledge of what makes a man like Moat go on the rampage. But I can safely say that I am doing the public a service by helping everyone understand what is really going on when a blood-thirsty, psychotic, wife-beating, brutal, murderous, mental narcissist thug flips and kills everybody. Society needs men like me in order to get to grips with such a complex and incomprehensible set of  events. I should be praised for what I do. For indeed I am to some extent like a God and most definitely not a narcissist.

And one last thing I might add. By feathering my nest in this way, by bursting out into the limelight like this, I can guarantee that the general public will be lining up to buy my forthcoming book entitled: "What makes blood-thirsty, psychotic,  wife-beating, brutal, murderous, mental, narcissist thugs go nutso and kill everybody?" And indeed I can be safe in the  knowledge that the serialisation rights alone will make me a packet. And might I suggest that in this respect, I am one man amongst you who is most definitely not guilty of "future foreshortening"?

Thank you.

(Please give generously to the Narcissist Psychiatrists Benefit Fund - It might just stop future fucked-up psycho fruit-cakes from going mental and shooting everyone.)

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