Sunday, 6 June 2010

Prawn cocktail offensive

Labour leadership contender Andy Burnham has attacked John Smith’s prawn cocktail offensive – the party’s successful initiative to win over the financial sector while the party was in opposition.

He claimed prawn cocktails were already passe by 1980 and Smith should have plumped for Nouvelle Cuisine instead. When asked how he would woo the fat cats, he laughed and responded “I should say cat food, but that would be offensive. No, I would probably offer these bankers something simple like pilchards on a stick, washed down with a pint of best - naturally.

Other leadship contenders were asked what they would serve...

David Miliband – I would go for something dreadfully ironic. Say like Turkey Twizzlers?

Ed Miliband – Easy peasy lemon squeezy! As someone who's gonna move the Labour party into the twenty first century, it would have to be those mini burger canapes that you get at all the best parties... That or the mini fish and chips option. Cool!

Diane Abbott – I agree with Ed. But I would go for the full size fish and chip and full size burger canapes. That or a full English breakfast. There are a lot of bankers out there who like their food, let’s remember.

Ed Balls – My friend Heston has told me in total confidence that he will do his 50 course mini taster menu. And if that doesn’t win over the doubting Thomases then my name’s Balls.

John McDonnell – Sod the lot of them!

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