Oil giant British Pariah is confident it can stem the flow of unctuous, self-serving drivel that has recently been spewing from the mouth of its dismal Chief Executive.
It issued the following statement: “This Company now accepts that it has lost the goodwill of the American people as well as the respect of investors worldwide. We now realise that this is a two bit outfit born out of a series of poor political compromises and has been run by a bunch of hopeless incompetents for many, many years.”
That being said we hope no one will mind if we still pay out an obscene 10BN dividend to our poor and needy investors.”
Questions still remain over the whereabouts of the company’s elusive Chairman. There are reports that he was last seen heading into the deep blue yonder upon his private yacht, Caveat Emptor. Word is that he is avoiding the Gulf of Mexico.
If there is one lesson that we can learn from this whole sorry affair: Oil should be on tap not on top