Thursday, 1 April 2010

Government - "Stimulant drugs okay for kids"

Breaking News: It has emerged that children as young as five will still be allowed to take stimulant drugs. The news comes after the government recently announced it will ban the speed-like drug mephedrone.

The former government drugs advisor Professor Nutt had proposed licensing rather than banning Mephedrone. But Home Secretary Alan Johnson was concerned for the views of Daily Mail readers and decided nothing short of an outright ban would be acceptable.

But it has emerged that another amphetamine type drug popular with kids is to remain licensed. Ritalin is regularly prescribed for children suffering from attention deficit disorder and the government has no plans to end this practice.

A Home Office spokeman said: "No, this is not an April Fool's joke. Ritalin is indeed a speed-like drug and yes it is prescribed for children as young as five. But it is produced by a major pharmaceuticals company that has employed countless MPs and ex Ministers, so it must be all right."


  1. Yes, and Ritalin is only bad if you grind it up and snort it. Which a lot of people do

  2. I love drugs. But I respect the Mail even more. SO no more drugs for me

  3. Must be an April fool

  4. You used to be able to buy it over the internet, but from abroad. Now you can't but unlike meph it is licensed. Talk about hypocrisy

  5. Question of perspective, innit? Politicians depend on these pharma companies. Nothing will change until the lobby system changes