Monday, 1 March 2010

A-Z of Sexual Allusion

In this article, also published in the Journal of Sexual Hermeneutics Vol.4, we will demonstrate how economic events can be rendered in terminology more readily accessible to those with little understanding of economic theory. The sexual allusion is a useful one, as most people, irrespective of class, race or gender, will encounter sexual activity, perhaps on more than one occasion, during the course of their lives. We will start with a phrase on many peoples' lips nowadays:

End to Boom and Bust -

Throughout the last decade, the Chancellor of the Exchequer claimed that he had "put an end to boom and bust". Of course, we now know that he had not. The bust was simply delayed. And when it did occur, it was far more severe than anyone had imagined

How do we understand this set of circumstances without the usual recourse to financial or economic modelling - i.e. retail prices index, credit bubbles, Monetary Policy Committee etc etc? Well, using our preferred sexual allusion, we will say that these events are akin to the occasion when two lovers choose to delay orgasm in order to heighten the very quality and range of the climax - an approach that anyone familiar with the Kama Sutra will recognise.

Now applying the sexual references to the aforementioned 'Boom and Bust' this will give a fair picture of events:-

During the period of the activity the participants chant a mantra - doesn't have to be yogic - for example, "End to boom and bust, end to boom and bust." The mind will detach itself from what is actually happening, to avoid reaching climax too early. It will concern itself with the mundane, with dreary detail - such as economic activity, interest rate policy and inflation. One of the two lovers, often the male, might even find himself talking freely and openly to his lover about the latest MPC decision to keep interest rates on hold. This can continue for some time.

Eventually the lovers will return to reality. They recognise once again that they are dealing with the forces of nature and that they can hold on no longer. They now yield to the climax and the proverbial 'bubble' bursts. The participants will lose themselves in the ensuing maelstrom of raw animal passion, before crashing into a state of inactivity, recess, and even mild depression sometimes referred to as post-coital tristesse.


  1. Alistair Darling1 March 2010 at 13:06

    Can I just say that it was nothing like that for me. For a start, there was no foreplay

  2. I've had it with these 'city men' who insist on discussing economic modelling during tantric sex. It really rather defeats the object

  3. The way they ran the economy was closer to masturbation, I'd say.

  4. He seems to have got it up again

  5. The only people getting their end away in the current climate are the bankers who are keeping Mr propped up

  6. And guess who has to clear up the mess, eh?

  7. Its the rich what gets the pleasure and the poor what gets the blame