Friday, 5 March 2010

Financial news in brief

Banker "gives back".

An investment banker has announced he'll stand for Parliament. This comes after the revelation this week that bonuses prior to 2008 could have paid for the entire - taxpayer funded - bail-out of the same year.

"I did a lotta soul-searching, and decided that after what Gordon Brown had done for us in 2008, it was time I gave something back. That's why I've decided to enter politics."

He was then asked: "In view of the fact you lot pocketed your bonuses but never paid a penny towards the bail-out, do you also intend to give your bonus back to society?"

The prospective candidate, who has "flirted with politics for some time", demonstrated that he is already familiar with procedure on such occasions and responded: "No comment."


Robert Mugabe has corrected the statement he made yesterday praising David Cameron.

"I did say that I admired Conservatives like Mr. Cameron. But I neglected to say that it was Mr. Brown and Mr Darling who endorsed my economic policies when they rolled out "quantitative easing". Maybe I should now endorse their approach by hiding my print-run in scientific mumbo-jumbo."


  1. Mumbo Jumbo? That's what they told me to call it. Don't blame the er... messenger

  2. Quantitative easing is a scientifically and economically acknowledged method - that has been tried and tested on many previous occasions - and in times such as these is an acceptable way to fleece savers

  3. Fritz Von Mammon5 March 2010 at 12:50

    Weimar? Ya, indeed - Why more? And why would one print more money?
    Its easier than bailing out all those naughty people with massive debts, especially when there's no money left to bail them out cos the bankers had it.

  4. Brown and Mugabe would get along like a house on fire. Similar personalities

  5. Brown is an illusionist.
    Depositor guarantees... quantitative easing... just smoothing the pain.
    People didn't riot, house values didn't collapse - They should have.
    But you and your kids will pay, whilst someone will have spirited away their bonuses... forever
    Derren, Daniels and Tommy C at work?