Wednesday, 3 March 2010


The Pundorans hear that a precious mineral called capitalium is abundant on Earth and send an expedition to investigate. Capitalium, it is said, circumnavigates the planet at the speed of light. It has immense value, making men powerful and societies abundant. It pays for cities and the vulgar new earth colonies called Dubai - which are naff, built on sand and uninhabited. It also funds 'wars' where humans dispense with 'virtual reality' and kill each other for real! And some even say that it can buy you love.

But expedition leader, Porker, is worried. He has heard of something called globalisation, and doesn't know whether it will help or hinder Pundoran plans to mine capitalium. Reconnaissance has hinted that globalisation might have made the earth stronger, because it means that the different tribes - called countries - now co-operate. Could the global business and capitalium flows benefiting the rich and powerful also mean a united front against the Pundoran expedition?

He calls in his trusted adviser, Kis'Inger who has been looking into this:-

Porker: Kis'Inger, I really need to know. Globalisation - is it a problem?

Kis'Inger: Not a problem, Commander. My research is exhaustive. It will not affect our mining.

Porker: Even though rich and powerful companies like Microsuck and Moregain possess more capitalium and more power as a result of globalisation?

Kis'Inger: Globalisation, it is good only for enterprises and not for wider cooperating between the countries. Example is this: Two years ago the 'banks' that move the capitalium caused it to overheat, nearly occasioning global meltdown. After this, globalisation might well have helped governments work together to harmonise tax and financial regulations. The banks and other businesses couldn't then have played all the countries off against one another. And this would ensure that the overheating never happened again. But certain selfish leaders rejected this, preferring to stay friends with the banks instead. Thus global agreement could not reached

Porker: That is illogical. This would be an obvious benefit of globalisation, surely?

Kis'Inger: Could be. But all it takes is one stubborn leader and the agreement falls apart. It proves that globalisation only really benefits enterprise, and is not much use when it comes to legislation. The leaders of the various countries prefer to be repeatedly sodomised by the bankers and the powerful business men, rather than make global alliance with other countries.

Porker: Prefer being sodomised, eh? I wonder why.

Kis'Inger: (Shrugs) Who know? Probably something in it for them.


  1. All I ever vant is flexible respanse

  2. Don't take the mick out of Avatar, man. Great film. really prescient

  3. I hope they can't sue you for such irreverance. Also it cannot be that bad. It's the highest grosser ever

  4. Can I just say that there is nothing in it for me as I will be winning the next election and will not need a job with these banks?

  5. So bloody subtle. Soon Hollywood will do a film about global warming.

  6. Sad but true. Always something in it for them

  7. SaucefortheGoose3 March 2010 at 16:48

    Yep, it would do a lot of good. But who is going to be first to sign up, eh?

  8. They do like it up em

  9. Parliament is about who you know and what you make, not who you help and what you do. Something along those lines