Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Full-brain scanners?

Is it not time to introduce full-brain scanners into Parliament in order to establish the integrity of prospective Members?

The scanners would root out any MPs, including Lords, who are chiselling, greedy, mendacious little crooks and who intend to fiddle their expenses or sell their services to the highest bidder.

Needless to say, there is one problem: stiff opposition from the Prime Minister. He is afraid that, if tested on him, the scanners might also show that he is a total fruitcake, who plans to turn the country into a banana republic and keep the entire population under 24 hour surveillance.

A Parliamentary ombudsman today announced that this should not pose a problem: The general public already know this to be the case anyway.


  1. Gordon of Cartoon6 January 2010 at 10:13

    They always said that I was mad, but they were wrong you know.... Haha... oh yes, they were... Hahahahaha.... hahahahahaha! Haaaaaaaah!

  2. I always wanted one of them scanners when I was a postman. It would've kept my head warm.
    Instead I had to use a stocking like a bank robber and now look at the shape of my face.

  3. Can I just make it clear that Gordon is an old friend of mine and he has nothing to hide?
    I have sifted through every inch of his grey matter and found nothing untoward.

  4. I ain't going through those body scanners.
    They might be able to see my silicon knockers and I wouldn't not want nobody to see them like.
    I am an actress and a famous writer and I am very respectable and don't never get my tits out for the boys

  5. Can I say that I too also have big silicon pumpkins. But its not that I is worried about.
    I'm more worried about them doing the brain scanner fing and not seeing anything inside.

  6. Well, I know for a fact that the scanners cause global warming because Madonna told me at the Global Warming Ball in Beverly Hills last year - it was amazing... Kevin Spacey, Spielberg and Al Gore were there and ALL told me they loved my recent album / perfume / film and book)
    So scanners should be banned for that reason

  7. The art of prophecy is indeed beyond the capabilities of a mere scanner.
    Wise man say that Gordon Brown never intended to screw up country.
    The country just screw him up instead

  8. When you get to my age... When... erm, when you get to my age...
    Sorry, remind me what the question was, can you?

  9. I wonder if I can claim myself on expenses.

  10. Scanners eh? Well bring 'em on, I say. When a man has played the Eton Wall Game and has 'Buller'd' and bumpered with the best of them, there is nought that Bill Gates's technology can tell me about character building!
    Eh? Eh? The rudimentary cheek of these fellows!

  11. Yes, what? what?
    Dumb insolence!

  12. Oh do be quiet Ozzy you Oik.
    There's no point pretending that an old Harrovian member of the hoodie, minor public school underclass like yourself knows the first thing about character building.
    When I first met you, you told me that you liked nothing more than an evening in with the wife, you suburban parvenu.

  13. Like in Star Trek!

    "Scan for signs of intelligent life, Spock!"

    "There is no intelligent life, Captain. The reference we have, SW1A 0AA, shows no intelligent life of any kind."

  14. Spencer Christian7 January 2010 at 11:48

    Isn't it "It's life Jim. But not as we vote it?"