Saturday, 26 September 2009

From G-Whizz to G-Was

The G-Men are back. Well-groomed, in snappy suits, keen, mean, the G-men stride across the world stage. They have come a long way since the old days. They have recently saved the world from economic crisis, from financial meltdown. They return refreshed, renewed. And they are no longer 8 in number. Now they are 20.

Don't be mistaken. They might look like they are all just smiles. But no, they are much, much more than that. They are hugs... they are words. They are photocalls. They are intentions and aims and goals. And of course, they are hopes. They are the very audacity of hope, the audacity of hopes.

And here comes Gordon - is he G1 or G2? Nobody knows. Does anybody care? He is all swagger and rictus grin. He has renewed confidence, despite what the polls back home say. And now a man called Barack, audacious, hopeful, arrives and the crowds are loving him. Maybe it is he who is really G1... And Gordon, confirming that Barack is indeed G1, calls over to Barack: "Please, Sir. Can I have my picture taken with you?" Barack does not appear to notice and walks on amongst the adoring crowds, oblivious.

And everyone is asking: Will these G-Men conquer the greedy bonus-hunters, the dreaded 'Masters of the Universe'? Will they defeat that eternal enemy that wishes to drain the life blood from the planet, that seeks to destroy all Earthlings?

Well, you, the reader, can stop worrying about all that. The G-men have decided that they are going to have a good long sit down and think and talk about the problem of the 'Masters of the Universe'. And not only that, they will also make statements, saying that they are going to do something, insisting that something must be done. And when we, the earthlings, see that they all shaking hands and hugging eachother, we will surely be able to rest assured that something will undoubtedly be done. Once again we will be able to sleep at night.

And then the wives of the G-Men appear. Boy, do they love these photo-calls, with their designer suits and their hair-dos. They love all the primping and pampering and showing off... And then the wife of G-Brown calls across to the wife of Barack and she shouts, "Can Gordon have his picture taken with your husband." And the wife of Barack whispers into the ear of Barack. And Barack nods in that subtle way that he does. And then the wife of Barack gives the thumbs-up to the wife of G-Brown. And the wife of G-Brown then whispers into the ear of G-Brown. And all of a sudden, the rictus grin, that very trademark of Gordon, G-man, G-Brown... that grin, it just got a whole, whole lot bigger.


  1. Oh, ye of little faith

  2. Maybe they will be able to stop all those greedy bonus hunters in the widened G20... Countries like India and China.
    When all the traders move to sweaty Mumbhai because their salaries have dropped below the minimum wage then we will tell these emerging economies not to do what we have done.

  3. In fact they have already made it clear that any limit on bonuses is unenforceable.
    So forget that idea

  4. Is there anybody left on this planet who gives a shit about the G-whatever it is?

  5. Looks like Czar Cosy didn't walk out after all

  6. These events never achieve anything. Gaddafi's performance was the only high point of the g20.
    The other lot didn't really say anything worthwhile.
    Not a single decision on anything. Not even on the financial issues that have plagued the west for the past year

  7. It's all a bit inter-textual...
    G-men and earthlings..?

  8. Brown sucking up to Obama is legacy stuff.
    He knows that he is screwed at home so he hopes that he will be seen, after he's gone, as world statesman.

  9. The special relationship has always been about you Brits sucking up to us Americans so that you can appear next to our President in the photo calls.
    I saw the front pages today and your PM looked pretty happy to me.

  10. Gosh. You are not saying that Sarah Brown had a hand in those photo calls, are you?????

  11. None of my American friends know what a 'special relationship' means.

  12. Mrs B. sure is getting a lot of free publicity right now. Anyone would think that she is a PR