Friday 28 August 2009

Easybollocks

Conservative Barnet Borough Council has received wide coverage today for its plans to start running local services using the business model of budget airlines. It wants householders to pay extra to jump the queue for planning consents, in the way budget airlines charge extra for priority boarding. It is thought that the radical experiment could provide a blueprint for a David Cameron government.

The council leader, Mike Freer said that he wanted to persuade residents to do more to look after themselves and intends to forge a new relationship with the borough's citizens which will include an understanding that, as with budget airlines, the council will not automatically provide blanket coverage of services as it did before.

The council hopes to be able to replicate the general 'budget airline experience' in the way in which it organises its wider services such as housing and open-spaces, health, foods services in schools etc., and general quality of staff and services. Accordingly the 'no-frills' approach offers wide scope for cramped conditions, for increasing incidence of lifestyle illnesses such as deep vein thrombosis, low standards of catering, stinking 'conveniences', long waits, endless queues, grumpy staff and a generally disappointing experience.

"What we also hope," said a spokesman for the council, "is that we can adopt the business model in terms of pay and renumeration. We are pretty sure that whilst most of the staff will receive modest incomes, some wanker at the top will hoover up a fortune despite being generally unpleasant and loathed by staff and customers alike."

14 comments:

  1. I sure wouldnt want to live in Barnet

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  2. Labour has its five year plans, the tories have their... business models. I for one don't fancy either much

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  3. If they really could slash costs in the manner of the no-frills we would all benefit

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  4. I wouldnt want to live in Barnet either, but its got nothing to do with cost cutting

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  5. Oliver Trophy-Wife28 August 2009 at 15:30

    Maybe they could contract out the running of the house of commons to a 'no-frills' company.
    First thing - reduce legroom in the Lords to stop all those Lords a sleeping

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  6. aye lad, there will always be some wanker at the top hoovering up i'm afraid

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  7. Doctor Gloucester28 August 2009 at 16:54

    I think that they should adopt a no-frills approach on London Underground myself

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  8. Tony Venn-Diagram28 August 2009 at 19:21

    You'll never find frills on LT.
    It is the smoothest operation in the land

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  9. Maybe they should get EasypeasyShite to run LT. I would love to see the trains painted in dayglo

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  10. You lot might laugh but actually cost efficiency is EXACTLY what people are crying out for. The no-frills model would be economy at its best. We can only dream...

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  11. Yes, but do you think that the people running the show should get paid like that smug wanker who runs EasywhatsitAir?

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  12. Edmund Ryan-Easy28 August 2009 at 19:40

    That man you are talking about is my uncle and he would give his life for you this country.

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  13. Vince Van Der Vince28 August 2009 at 19:46

    He would give his life for this country's wealth

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  14. Professor Berlusconi28 August 2009 at 19:47

    Maybe EasyShite should set up an escort company called Easygirls

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