Sunday, 30 August 2009

A bridge too far

President Barack Obama, three former Presidents and a host of world leaders and luminaries yesterday attended the funeral of a legend of the past half century, Mary Jo Kopechne, the woman who lost her life when Edward Kennedy drove off Dike's bridge at Chappaquiddick.

Mary Jo will forever be associated with the tragic events of one night in 1969, when the phenomenon known to this day as the 'Kennedy Career' came crashing down in a moment of drunken folly. The events of this night were never fully understood, however one thing is known for sure: After the crash the 'salvage operation' never satisfactorily restored the 'Kennedy Career'.

People have to this day questioned why Teddy Kennedy abandoned the car with Mary Jo still inside, not returning for ten hours - by which time she had suffocated. However, it does appear that there was a simple and plausible explanation: Kennedy was obliged to contact the family lawyer, which for a Kennedy at least was the only appropriate thing to do in the circumstances. Similarly Kennedy showed contrition for the accident in true Kennedy style, never actually saying 'sorry' to her parents, but skillfully and considerately paying them $90,000 hush money.

We can only guess what Irish Catholic Kennedy actually said to his priest during confession. We can only guess that he actually went to confession. One key question still remains, however: After the events of that night in 1969 and after Kennedy's response to those events, will Senator Edward Kennedy go to Heaven or to Hell?

To Heaven of course - After all, he was a Kennedy.

34 comments:

  1. We'll have no marks of respect here!

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  2. He probably said a few hail Mary-Jos

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  3. An authority on Church Affairs30 August 2009 at 10:52

    Forgive me Father for I have sinned...
    Oh, hold on, his father was Joseph Kennedy... and he sinned too... big time.

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  4. Leave the poor man alone. He's trying to transubstantiate

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  5. I say unto you, "Ask not what the Kennedys can do for you, ask what you can do for your Kennedys."

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  6. Apparently they even have a branch of the Hyannisport golf club in Heaven - free membership for Kennedys

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  7. I'm a believer30 August 2009 at 11:16

    I know that this sounds a bit naive and all that, but he did do quite a lot of good in his life - on social issues and Nth Ireland etc...

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  8. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones bla bla bla

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  9. I had a dream

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  10. Please can we stop all this cynicism about the Kennedys.... at least for a day or two

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  11. No man is an island

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  12. Indeed no man is a 'Chappaquiddick' (look it up)

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  13. Well, there was a man who sure was full of drive

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  14. Yeah, but his career took a bath

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  15. I looked this Quidditch up and apparently its a game in Harry Potter

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  16. Dumbledore denies a cover up

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  17. At least he had a Kennedooo attitude

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  18. They should be singing 'A Kennedle in the Wind.'

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  19. Puh-lease, those 'puns' (if you can call them that) are really rough as hell.
    Please desist.

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  20. Come on guys, show some respect. Barack Obama has.

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  21. (Obama) And I say unto you, "The greatest expectations were placed on his shoulders because of who he was, but he surpassed them all because of who he became..."
    Yer what?
    I thought that everyone had 'expectations' of his becoming President. Or did he perhaps go one better on Dike's bridge that night...?

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  22. What are Haldeman and Ehrlichman doing here? They were Tricky Dicky's boys.

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  23. Precisely... My boys

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  24. He must have been pretty brazen to think that he could stand for office when he had never properly explained the Kopechne death.
    As it happened, when questioned about it during the 1980 campaign he totally fell to pieces
    Couldn't have been expecting that question, I imagine...

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  25. Yeah but he was a Kennedy right so all was forgiven

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  26. Cometh the hour, cometh the dynasty.
    Goeth the hour, goeth the dynasty.
    Sic transit gloria mundi.

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  27. As far as we know he never laid anyone called Gloria

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  28. Salvatore Giancana30 August 2009 at 14:09

    Some dynasty that was.
    It was more like a Walt Dynasty

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  29. Hey guys, I don't know where this is leading, but Sam Giancana was part of the Chicago Outfit. Nobody messes with the CHicago outfit.
    Got that?

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  30. Nobody expects the Chicago outfit

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  31. Pericles of Athens30 August 2009 at 14:14

    "Salvatore surpassed expectations placed upon his shoulders because of who he became..."

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  32. John Fitzgerald Trafficante30 August 2009 at 14:19

    Hey like didn't you hear the boss? Nobody messes with the likes of Salvatore

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  33. Blimey, I couldn't half murder a Caesar's Salad

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  34. ...for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee...

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