Banks to get charitable status

The government has confirmed that banks are to get charitable status by turning themselves into churches. The idea was originally proposed last year when a Bank of England report looked into whether some banks are 'too sacred to fail'.

The report concluded: "Some institutions will need to be ring-fenced so that during a crisis they can continue to operate and offer essential services. If this means applying different policies on tax and pay to these institutions then so be it.

A spokesman for The Church of the Latter Day Sachs commented: "This is what we have been asking for all along. Banks need this kind of ring-fencing. Without religion, you can't pray. But without banks you can't pay. Which is worse? Go figure." The spokesman for the Morgan Tabernacle Church added, "Now it's official. Greed is God."