News in brief...

Chancellor Alistair Darling has praised the ingenuity of the investment banking community. He was responding to grumbles from some quarters about the size of bonuses that RBS bankers are going to receive this year. It is claimed that these could be as high as 5 Million. But Mr. Darling claimed, "This shows how smart they are. A year after we bailed them out with taxpayers cash, they are getting rich on the proceeds. And we can do nothing about it. You have to hand it to them. They have got us just where they want us."

Elsewhere, a Treasury official has been explaining the 'trickle down' effect. This is the proposition that justifies some people in society earning huge amounts of money, whilst others earn next to nothing. "These high salaries at the top benefit everyone," he said, "The wealth feeds down through the rest of society through taxes, charitable giving and of course the purchase of goods and services that keep the rest of the economy moving. Trickle down is rather like this: I tuck into my massive hog roast, then I feed the rest of you by chucking you morsels and scraps of food from my plate. That way we all get fed."

David Cameron has demonstrated that he will follow Gordon Brown's lead by making pointless additions to the house of Lords. He intends to elevate the property 'guru' Kirstie Allsop to the upper chamber. Mr Cameron denied claims that this was the 'window-dressing' approach to political appointments of the kind pioneered by Gordon Brown in recent years. "When it comes to doing up a house," said Cameron, "Kirstie knows all there is to know. It's just that in this case the house is the House of Lords. The old place needs a lick of paint."

A survey has revealed that ninety per cent of the British public feel sorry for MPs and believe that the press should stop criticising them over expenses. No-one knows precisely how the survey was conducted or whom researchers interviewed, but the market research company involved claimed that it applied the same rigourous standards as Sir Thomas Legg had to his report on MPs expenses that appeared earlier this week.