You are not watching Big Brother

Despite its public service remit, Channel Four has announced that it will only be screening one more series of the educational resource, Big Brother. Despite plaudits for its groundbreaking format, its witty banter and its philosophical musings on the nature of Daniella's Breasts, the viewing figures have plummeted to under two million, effectively making it a broadcasting basket case.

The move will bring consternation in some quarters and raise concerns that Channel Four is 'dumbing up'. A respected lecturer in 'Reality TV' from the University of Westfield has asked where the semi-literate and the brain dead will now achieve their fifteen minutes of farm. The programme has for some years now revealed to sociologists worldwide just how humans would behave if they were cooped up together for several weeks and treated like farmyard animals. We discover that, contrary to expectations, the contestants fall back on their inner resources, regularly quote Shakespeare and use philosophical reference points when contemplating the nature of their condition.

Ministers were asked to comment on whether the programme had had a positive effect on the outlook and attitudes of the nation as a whole. A spokesman for the Ministry of Drivel stated: "Of course it had a benign effect. It meant that ministers could communicate easily with the electorate using trite reference points such as 'We are repulsed by sexism in any way, shape or form and would officially condemn Mario's treatment of Nikki and his comments on her boob job.' It also meant that for a few sweet months in the summer there were people in this country who were ridiculed even more than us."