Hadron Collider to be sold to developers

There'll be no deliverance for those scientists who've 'prayed to the God particle’ - The Hadron Collider is to be sold to developers.

Since the start of the economic downturn, many have asked why European governments continue to waste money on this scientific white elephant. Scientists were allegedly “hoping for a miracle”. They thought the successful production of a 'Higgs Boson' particle might win them credibility with a sceptical public.

After a number of initial setbacks European physicists claimed this year that they had actually produced one of these elusive “God particles”. But then came the news that the particle was of no moral or spiritual worth, in fact of no worth to humanity whatsoever. Scientists were seen getting down on their hands and knees and chanting “Please, Dear God Particle, don’t let European taxpayers realise what a waste of money this project is.”

But the European Parliament has come up with a novel solution: Sell the collider. A consortium of Chinese and Arab developers has said it is willing to convert the folly into a ‘living, leisure and education complex’, with accommodation for a thousand people.

The plans also include a Hadron theme park, which will roll out the new Super-Collider Fun Ride, plus an educational facility that will show people how to make their own Higgs-Bozo particle. Later this year, some of Europe’s leading designers will launch a range of "Collision" Clothing as well as scaled up models of the Higgs-Bozo particle - which it is hoped will provide hours of fun for children.

A scientist called Ron who had worked at the Collider for a number of years commented: “Well, we might as well put this bundle of wires to some use. Anyway, I was sick of all my mates saying to me whenever they saw me: You know what? We’ve been had Ron.”