Asbo Dave

Conservative leader David Cameron has given a frank and revealing interview to up market gossip magazine Grazia, in which he discusses his ‘broken youth’. The interview will offer some insight into his belief that the middle classes should be out there hugging ‘hoodies’. It will also help ordinary people comprehend that it is not just council estate thugs that trash their communities.

Cameron (also known as the campaign for real ale) looks back to his days at the Bullingdon club in Oxford when he was at the height of his debauchery. "I have to admit that in those days I was drinking around 14 to 15 jugs of Pimms a day and then ‘bumpering’ a bottle of vodka in the evenings. It was lucky that they didn’t have Asbos in those days; otherwise I would have taken an Oxford Blue in collecting them. Blond Bozzer Johnson was also a member of the Bullingdon back then. We used to enjoy drunken evenings dressed in hoodies – and white bow ties of course – and we’d pass the time swinging on chandeliers and wrecking the place. Then at the end of the evening we would all hug each other – still dressed in our hoodies – and be sick over each other."

Mr Cameron was asked finally what changed, what put a stop to this debauchery? Cameron replied that the turning point was joining the Conservative party. "I realized that the party had a reputation for propriety, for integrity and for taking responsibility for one’s own actions. Many a reprobate has seen the light after joining the Conservatives. And I am confident that I can follow in the footsteps of one of the last great old Etonians to be at the helm of a Conservative government, Harold Macmillan, and offer Britain a government, a cabinet free of debauchery and scandal."