tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81392974323948665602024-02-08T11:36:50.899+00:00Don't Watch This Space!Dialectical ArbitrageNed Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.comBlogger429125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-12293982276141121302014-10-07T01:22:00.003+01:002014-10-07T01:29:03.962+01:00The People's Posts!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">1) Thursday, 3 March 2011<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/03/doctor-day-keeps-apple-away.html"><span style="color: #5588aa;">A doctor a day keeps the Apple away</span></a></span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /><br /> Advertisement:<br /><br /> Every so often we give a leading tech company a free plug. We hope this'll encourage it to shove loads of advertising our way. Failing that it fills column inches. Today we look at the iFad2, released yesterday to universal acclaim by a man wearing jeans and a black turtle neck jumper. <span style="color: windowtext;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/03/doctor-day-keeps-apple-away.html"><span style="color: #5588aa;">(Continued...)</span></a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">2) Thursday 11 February, 2010<b><o:p></o:p></b></span><br />
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<b><span style="color: #1f497d; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB; mso-themecolor: text2;"><span style="color: #1f497d; font-weight: normal; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/hacker-humphrey-20-years-on.html"><span style="color: #5588aa;">Hacker... Humphrey... 20 Years on...?</span></a></span><o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Hacker:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> You know what, Humphrey? When I look back and I think of the frustration I used to feel, when the likes of you and Bernard blocked or stalled what I was trying to do... <span style="color: windowtext;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/hacker-humphrey-20-years-on.html"><span style="color: #5588aa;">(Continued...)</span></a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">3) Friday, 15 January 2010<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8139297432394866560" name="2257612515850118735"></a><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">The boss of Waterstones, Gerry Johnson, left this week after the company reported disappointing sales of celebrity memoirs. Johnson championed fresh literary talent such as Jordan, so it seems appropriate to let her comment on his departure. <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.co.uk/2010/01/waterstoned.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued…)</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br />4) Saturday, 27 August 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/08/screw-plot-think-about-sub-plot_27.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">BANKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT COCAINE!</span></a></span><br /> Peter Oborne? Charles Moore? These days it’s the right (not the left) we find meditating upon the excesses of capitalism. Maybe we never had a free market in the first place (under left... under right...). <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/08/screw-plot-think-about-sub-plot_27.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 5) Tuesday, 4 January 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/01/end-of-beginning-of-history.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">The End of the Beginning of History</span></a></span><br /><br /> Distinguished academic, Professor Fukyu-karma responds to criticism that, in 2011, his thesis "The End of History" looks more than ever like it was essentially a pipe dream:-<br /><br /> "Okay, guys. I know what you're going to say. The End of History repeated itself, first as tragedy after 911, then as farce after the economic meltdown of 2008. <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/01/end-of-beginning-of-history.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued......)</span></a><br /><br /> 6) Sunday, 20 February 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/were-all-royalty-now.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">We're all royalty now.</span></a></span><br /><br /> What's the world coming to when the Duchess of York is not invited to the Royal Wedding whilst those arrivistes the Beckhams are? We asked pop culture's No.1 power couple to give their "historical perspective" on such matters.<br /><br /> David: Well the way I look at it is, we all come from the same place in the end.<br /><br /> Victoria: Or in the beginning, Dave <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/were-all-royalty-now.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 7) Thursday, 27 January 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/01/sex-drugs-and-hack-and-roll.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">Sex, drugs, and hack and roll</span></a></span><br /><br /> What'll they make of phone hacking a hundred years from now? Will writers, journalists, poets go beyond the mundane "who hacked whom"? It's possible. They say historical events are often best viewed through the prism of literary narrative... or, something along those lines... <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/01/sex-drugs-and-hack-and-roll.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 8) Monday, 14 March 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/03/un-if-you-want-to.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">UN if you want to...</span></a></span><br /><br /> What if -<br /> As the world agonises over whether to impose a no-fly zone over Libya, we ask what Neville Chamberlain's declaration of war might have sounded like if the UN had been around in 1939 and all humanitarian intervention had to be referred to the security council... <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/03/un-if-you-want-to.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 9) Sunday, 24 April 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/04/judge-dreadful.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">Judge Dreadful</span></a></span><br /><br /> At a time when victimised celebrities the world over are coming under sustained attack from the "Freedom of Information League" one man defends the rights of those celebrities. His name is Judge Dreadful - though he sometimes operates under the aliases "Judge Needy" or "Judge Dodgy". <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/04/judge-dreadful.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 10) Thursday, 5 May 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/05/afterlife-2.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">Afterlife 2</span></a></span><br /><br /> (An autocrat and a terrorist bogeyman discuss conspiracy theories)<br /><br /> Osama: You heard the latest conspiracy theory, brother? <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/05/afterlife-2.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /><br /> 11) Saturday, 5 November 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/global-university.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">The Global University</span></a></span><br /> Coursework: The Long Term Benefits of Globalisation - Part 3a, Section 2.<br /><br /> Our very own Professor Gspot offers the following criteria for global economic harmony:<br /> "Once the multiple and diverse economies of the global community have become fully and soundly integrated <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/global-university.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 12) Saturday, 12 November 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/were-no-wise-guys.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">We're no wise-guys!</span></a></span><br /><br /> "I would like to comment on what I deem to be the somewhat inappropriate remarks made by a certain Mr. Watson during the select committee hearing that I had the good fortune to attend this week. <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/were-no-wise-guys.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /> 13) Friday, 18 November 2011<br /><br /><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/lyricism-of-technocrat_18.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">The Lyricism of the Technocrat</span></a><br /><br /> "You know, just because we are supposedly grey, unelected technocrats, this does not mean that we are thinking, sleeping and dreaming in barren prose all of the time. <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/11/lyricism-of-technocrat_18.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /><br /> 14) Sunday, 13 February 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/baftas-things-speech.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">BAFTAS! The Thing's Speech.</span></a></span><br /><br /> The thing about the BAFTAS... really is... the speech<br /><br /> "I would like to say or rather we would like to say how honoured I or rather we are to be here tonight honouring you honouring us honouring you honouring us honouring you dressed as we are in these beautiful Valentino dresses or are they Armani tuxedos? <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/baftas-things-speech.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><br /><br /><br /> 15) Saturday, 5 February 2011<br /><br /><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/local-council-notice-library-closures.html"><span style="color: #1f497d; mso-themecolor: text2;">LOCAL COUNCIL NOTICE: Library closures</span></a></span><br /><br /> "Due to central government's negative policy of reducing funding for the provision of public services from local councils in Britain, it is with much regret and sorrow that we have to state we have no option but to proceed with cuts to certain non-essential, and, in addition, some less-than-essential, services. To this effect it has been and will be necessary from now on to offer a less thorough and comprehensive library lending service to the men, women and children within this community, notwithstanding the variable hardships that this might or might not bring about. <a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/local-council-notice-library-closures.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">(Continued...)</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-24863580303016620202014-09-10T01:46:00.003+01:002014-09-10T01:46:42.397+01:00Devo Sucks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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To whom it may concern,<br />
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Please could we have free tuition fees in England, just as they have them north of the border? Our children are going to be tens of thousands of pounds in debt upon leaving University unlike Scottish children, thanks to the politicians who came up with devolution in the first place... the very politicians who are now trying to offer the Scots an even better deal called Devo-Max.<br />
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Yours wearily,<br />
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The Sassenachs</div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-71443898561911351102014-07-22T16:43:00.001+01:002014-09-10T01:49:16.795+01:00Those EU benefits in full:<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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- Economic... Social... Political... Harmonisation!<br />
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... Except when really serious crises occur like the downing of a passenger plane over Ukraine, and a patchwork of existing trade deals between individual member states and Russia destroys any hope of a coordinated response...</div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-17355600646153168062014-05-07T16:13:00.001+01:002014-07-13T17:41:22.820+01:00Celebrity BBC Trust Challenge<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Tonight, on the competition to find the next BBC Trust Chairman, we meet 'leftfield' contestant, Russell Brand, who explains why he's so right for the role:<br />
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"Yeah, well, like, I never actually tried DGs, Chairmen, Governors or nothing - what they actually like? PCP? Poppers? Crack? Meth? Can't be anything that manic, or else Crisp Patten wouldn't have done 'em, and got over them. But anyway, I tried everything else, and I managed to survive so I guess it's gotta be worth a try."<br />
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We also meet rank outsider, Jeremy Clarkson, who tells us: "To my mind the best way of choosing the next Chairman is the tried and tested (and trusted) method of the nursery rhyme: "Eeny meeny miney mo... No, actually, on the other hand..."</div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-37684998409346490242014-02-09T11:24:00.002+00:002014-03-27T10:37:16.161+00:00Ideology conquers all<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<em>Some claim that the floods the UK encountered earlier this year are proof of man-made climate change (would cloud-seeding count as man-made?) Others suggest the floods are of biblical proportions (Noah didst encounter floods some time prior to the start of the Industrial Revolution, in truth). But for certain politicians there is only one way to approach the problem, and to help people in their hour of need; green ideology... Here's a (slightly paraphrased version of a) recent interview conducted on Sky News with an opposition spokesperson who was discussing the 'inappropriate' government response to flooding in the county of Somerset:</em><br />
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Interviewer: And so, according to you, where has the government gone wrong in it's response to the flooding in Somerset? <br />
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Opposition Spokesperson: The fact of the matter is that the government has not taken into account the effects of climate change on our changing weather patterns.<br />
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Interviewer: And what would you do differently, Maria, when it came to responding quickly and effectively to the plight of the people in Somerset?<br />
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Spokesperson: We would clearly want to take into account the effects of climate change on our changing weather patterns...</div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-55561495806072214072014-01-16T21:21:00.001+00:002014-01-30T19:26:06.800+00:00Big Fat Gypsy Celebrities<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Coming soon at Bohodotcom:<br />
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As we know, this thing we all call Reality TV can often find itself evolving into Celebrity Reality TV. For example, the cookery genre rustles up Celebrity Bake-Off and, as if that were not enough, The Great Sport Relief Bake Off (with even more celebrities). From the world of ballroom dancing we get Strictly Come Dancing. Big Brother migrates into Celebrity Big Brother. These days, celebs can even become Universally Challenged. And so it goes on...<br />
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But shouldn't celebs be getting equally involved in the exploitation wing of Reality TV? That's to say, the benefits scroungers, the fatties, the anorexics, the scumbags and losers that RTV so elegantly portrays?<br />
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Well, here it is: In the coming weeks you'll see, on this very website: Celebrity Supersize Vs Superskinny, Celebrity Undateables, Celebrity Benefits Street, Embarrassing Celebrity Bodies, Big Fat Gypsy Celebrities, 24 Hours in Celebrity A&E, Celebrity Weight Loss Ward, Botched Up Celebrity Bodies, Celebrity One Born Every Minute, World's Worst Celebrity Holiday Horrors... Eastenders, and, of course, Celebrity Sherlock!<br />
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And it'll be a riot. Plus, of course, it'll all be true, horrendous, verifiable and celebrated! We promise.<br />
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Just watch this space!<br />
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Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-6478027958467712972013-12-22T21:03:00.000+00:002013-12-31T12:58:30.375+00:00The line taken by a leading QC on a recent criminal trial<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"It was indeed troubling over recent weeks to behold the carefully constructed reputation of a much loved national treasure flagrantly tarnished by hostile cross-examination, solely in order to give those accused in the trial the opportunity, as is supposedly their right under English law, to develop a proper defence.<br />
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Was the witness not fragrant as she glided elegantly into court each day, and, with composure and effortless grace, confronted the endless onslaught of public vilification? Had her Public Relations and highly professional legal teams not worked tirelessly to establish and consolidate and defend her brand as the very epitome of the Middle-Class Dream? <br />
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And yet, to what end? Simply so that the court system might feed the insatiable press and public appetite for gossip and tittle-tattle, satisfy their need to cull the tallest poppies, and ultimately nourish the iconoclastic demands of certain shabby and truth-seeking journalists?"<br />
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This statement will run and run and has already been endorsed by countless second rate journalists, celebrities and members of the public who have never met any of the people in question.<br />
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If you’d like to comment, you know where to go…<br />
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</em><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang=""></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang=""></span></span> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-48865131696851767002013-09-01T23:57:00.003+01:002013-09-07T11:54:07.857+01:00Fairytale-Trade<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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The Independent on Sunday
has published its annual guide to the UK's most ethical businesses ahead of the
Social Enterprise Awards 2013. Here's a snap-shot:</div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Fair-trade Cocaine</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- Hugely successful cocaine producing collective that is 25 per cent owned by Colombian growers. Their produce is exclusively distributed in the UK through the award-winning Brighton and Dalston Fair-Earth Farmers Market Company<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Ethical Doggy</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- Multicultural dog-training awareness programme ensures Fido is sensitive to postmen – irrespective of creed, faith or colour - <i>and</i> attacks them fairly, consistently, and without prejudice.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Organic Bike Company</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- This award-winning
bike manufacturer makes bicycles out of organic titanium, aluminium, and plutonium, ethically sourced from companies committed to fair-trade smelting and radiation policies.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Vegan Slasher Nasties</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- Celebrated art-house
film crew that puts on violent, extremely gory productions, showcasing actors with a life-long commitment to veganism and organic values.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Land-Art</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- Critically
acclaimed works of art produced by vegetarian artists using products
reclaimed from dustbins and sewage plants.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Imelda Fairfuck</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">– Popular internet
porn supplier employing stars who are committed to fair-trade masturbation and environmentally friendly condoms.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Fricking</span></b><span lang="EN"> - Highly profitable fracking company that uses drilling equipment
ethically sourced from badger-loving, Peruvian tool manufacturers.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Polar Bore</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- Acting workshop
for bipolar vegan performers who donate one per cent of their income to the
preservation of polar bear habitats.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Make War not War</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">– Ethical warmongering collective committed to ending all wars by means of environmentally-aware battlefield scenarios, using weapons organically sourced from
fair-trade arms manufacturers. </span><o:p></o:p><br />
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<b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;">Make Poverty Poverty</span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #558ed5; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #558ED5; mso-style-textfill-fill-colortransforms: "lumm=60000 lumo=40000"; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: text2; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"> </span><span lang="EN">- An old favorite - This highly successful PR company turns out ethical advertising, wrist-bands
and billboard messages that won't stand the test of time, <i>and</i> to which celebrities can, with a clear conscience, turn a blind
eye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-10206714226800624472013-05-26T23:20:00.001+01:002013-06-13T00:05:06.008+01:00Exam time!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<u>Politics - Multiple choice question No 97a)</u><br />
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Who has most to gain from the 'Snooper's Charter'?<br />
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a) Curtain-twitching reactionaries?<br />
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b) Liberals, who, by and large, dislike snoopers and their charters (except for Lord Carlile)?<br />
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c) Software companies who'll be paid millions to provide efficient snooping software (or not terribly efficient software, as the case may be)?<br />
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d) Those politicians with commercial links to the software companies mentioned in c)?<br />
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e) The terrorists, who really give a damn about the fact that ordinary, law-abiding British citizens will have their Internet use scrutinised round the clock (unlike the terrorists who'll no longer use the Internet to communicate as they used to?)</div>
Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-74284537551331887072012-10-19T00:25:00.002+01:002012-10-19T00:41:06.910+01:00Anyone for a Conspiracy Theory?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Archive:-</span><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Monday, 30 November 2009</b><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Intel. A chip off the old Bloc</b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">My handler told me: no names. My post, the first 'intelligence blog' to appear on the web - to the best of my knowledge - won't mention pseudonyms, cover-names, pet-names, pen-names or code names. I told 'Z' - not my handler's real "code-name", simply a smokescreen - that I'm more interested in what people do than what they’re called. And 'Z' told me, I can't mention what they do either.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">So anyway, what is it we get up to in our 'community'? Though of course I can't tell you the precise details, I can hint: We follow people. We follow you. We follow you, just as you follow us. Yes, we know you follow us. How do we know you follow us? Because we see you every day, scanning, searching, logging on to certain sites – I’m not talking just intelligence websites, but also affiliates sites (intelligence or other). We know how you think. We even know how you will think before you think. How so? Yes, how so?.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">It’s what you people refer to as 'conspiracy theory'.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Right now the intelligence community is concerned the conspiracy theories we know and love are losing traction, they're out of control. Why's that? What do I mean by "out of control"? I'll phrase it in a way that's not what you’d call prosaic, not literal: But what I mean (if you'll allow me to mean something) is, too many conspiracy theories spoil the broth. And I hear you say, literal? Prosaic? What this guy's just given us is a mixed metaphor - pure and simple.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Perhaps. But it is a mixed metaphor that I wanted to deploy for quite some time. And why? Because I know it'll distract you, just for one moment, from what I'm leading on to. Have you got that? Probably not... but then again, you might've just about got it, I think, and you might be afraid... if you happen to be that person whose IP address (starting 134.135...) vanished from my monitor just 0.93 seconds ago! Don't worry, we can follow your IP, even after its vanished!</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Anyway, so here we go: We invented conspiracy theories and we invented them to make you afraid. You don't realise this, you probably cannot accept it right now, and you probably never will. But it's true. We always wanted you to think that nothing - no thing - controversial happens unless a powerful organisation makes it happen... Unless a covert governmental agency, or a foreign terrorist cell, planned it that way. And you've always bought that notion. But one day, my friends, you ran too far with that notion, these theories, and you made them your own, your own theories. Now that cannot be right, can it? They are not your theories, they're ours. We created them. So hey guys, could you please just give us back our darned theories? (Okay - that's somewhat tongue in cheek, in case you didn't capiche.)</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Or... don't you guys just f- get it? You see, if you can get all your heads round 'information overload', why can't you get them round 'conspiracy overload'? Who the hell will believe these conspiracies any more if, for every famous death, there are ten thousand theories? Next year, there will be a hundred thousand theories for some guy who's one tenth as big. And maybe, one day, there’ll be millions for just your average John Doe. No one will believe these theories any more. They'll be meaningless. And where's the point in that?</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">So, cool your jets, boys and girls. Cut the theories. If you want anyone to believe in anything ever again, then stop dicking around with all this, 'my belief's as good as the next guy's' shit. Some things are true and some things are not - except when we, and only we, insinuate that they are. And if you keep on spreading too many of your own goddam theories, then maybe we'll find who you are, we'll track your IP addresses, because we’re starting to think that the only reason you'd possibly want people to stop believing in our theories (by spreading so many of your own) is because you are the enemy. The real enemy. The enemy of a community that does theories good and proper.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">See, that's the point: The silicon chip, the internet, the web, they were never meant to be about democratizing things like knowledge and truth - or conspiracy theories for that matter. And that's because it's no longer a case these days of, ye shall know truth and the truth shall set ye free. It's, ye shall know what you need to know, and technology can set you free. But first you have to learn how to use technology. And that, as we all know, is a discipline. Right, disciples? Right.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Think about that. We do. We think about it. Every day.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">And ask yourself one last question - assuming you've read thus far: What did I mean earlier when I talked about my handler? Maybe, just maybe, I'm the handler, not the handled? And how do you know that anyone ever really told me what I could or couldn't say? After all, I've said quite a lot, have I not? But you'll have to answer that one yourselves, guys.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">Yours abidingly and faithfully, Colonel Kurtz (And if you want to believe that's my real name then be my guest. In actual fact, it really is. Yep. Francis F. (the other Francis F.) stole it from me, not the other way round!</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">PS. A friend of mine tells me this: Next year, a butterfly will flap its wings in the Brazilian rain forest and there’ll be a million theories as to why it did so. But, in reality there's only one theory that's correct, guys. Only one. Think about it.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;" />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20.78333282470703px;">(On this occasion our 'intelligence blogger' very kindly agreed to provide us with his real name on account of the fact that the "trademark" on it had expired. However we are not convinced that it really is out of trademark and are therefore witholding it)</i><br />
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Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-65556507254829046062012-07-05T22:41:00.001+01:002012-07-05T22:43:17.507+01:00Buddy, can you spare a Diamond?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 19.2pt;">As pressure mounts on the banks... here's a run-down of the ten most viewed (banking related) items on this website:-</span></div>
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<span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/bankers-of-world-unite-you-have-nothing.html">Wednesday,16 February 2011 - Bankers of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but cocaine!</a></span></div>
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2010/09/off-shore-bob.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Saturday,11 September 2010 - Your money is our money; our money is our money</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/01/love-me-love-my-bonus.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Tuesday,11 January 2011 - Love me love my bonus</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2010/11/wealth-of-nations.html">Monday,15 November 2010 - The wealth of nations</a></span><br />
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/02/charity-begins-off-shore.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Tuesday,8 February 2011 - Charity begins off-shore</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/03/blessed-are-bankers.html">Saturday,5 March 2011 -Blessed are the bankers...</a></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2010/09/no-brain-drainer-there-are-fears-that.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Wednesday,22 September 2010 - No brain drainer</span></a>
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2010/09/quantitative-sleazing.html" style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.2pt;"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Wednesday,29 September 2010 - Quantitative Sleazing</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2010/11/wheres-money-gone-part-two.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Friday,26 November 2010 - Where's the money gone (part two)?</span></a><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://bohodotcom.blogspot.com/2011/05/too-big-to-fail.html"><span style="color: #5588aa; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-decoration: none;">Saturday,28 May 2011 - Too big to fail</span></a></div>
</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-27208763908402936372012-07-01T17:09:00.001+01:002012-07-14T18:45:02.793+01:00Everybody needs good bankers...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></b><br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">From the archive:-</b><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">These days Select Committee hearings focus mainly on policing and the behaviour of the tabloid press (the televised ones do, at least.) But not that long ago it was bankers who were in the spotlight.</i><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">On one occasion back in early 2010, the boss of RBS, Stephen Hester, tried to laugh off his exorbitant pay packet. </i><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Here's how this blog viewed his performance back then. (H</i><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">ow times have changed...):-</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">MONDAY, 11 JANUARY 2010 - "10 million pound RBS Boss: Even my parents think I'm a greedy bastard."</b><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">RBS boss Stephen Hester gave evidence to the Treasury select committee yesterday afternoon. This is the "transcript" of that evidence.</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">John McFall, MP</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: May I ask, what do your parents think of you, Mr Hester?</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: They think I'm a greedy bastard.</span><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Roars of laughter in the committee room)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">McFall</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Wiping tears from his eyes)</i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> Very good, Mr Hester. If I may say, that is an excellent joke. And one that I would expect from someone of your great stature. Now moving on, what does your wife think of you?</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: She thinks I'm a greedy bastard, but she likes the new kitchen.</span><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Derision throughout the chamber. Sound of MPs and journalists falling off their chairs)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">McFall</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: You're in the wrong job, Mr Hester. You're a regular comedian, are you not? Were I head of light entertainment at the BBC I would pay you at least twenty million.</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: Indeed you would Mr McFall. Indeed you would.</span><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(More laughter and derision.)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">McFall</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Fighting to hold back the tears)</i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> Too much, too much, Mr Hester... Now, Mr H. What do your children think of you? And please, please take your time. I haven't yet wiped away all of those tears that your last joke caused.</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: What do my children think? Well, Tom loved the Porsche. Tallulah adored the new pony and paddock, whilst Ed thinks I'm God after I bought him the recording studio.</span><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(The chamber descends into chaos)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">McFall</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: I have never come across such flair, such elegant wit. I am lucky to be here at this moment in time. Indeed, very lucky. Now, Mr Hester, what do your neighbours make of you?</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: My neighbours think I'm a greedy bastard. That's because they are envious. They tell people in our local village that I am a tosser. But they have to be nice to my face. You see, each year my family throws the most lavish summer ball in the county. If neighbours Ron and Val don't show due deference whenever they are in my company then they will find themselves very much uninvited. So, Ron and Val... who are the tossers now, eh? Eh?</span><br />
<br />
<i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Howls of laughter around the chamber)</i><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">McFall</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Trying to compose himself) </i><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">We are witnessing pure genius. None could ever possibly question your salary, however high it might be, Mr Hester. You are indeed a man who is not simply rich in monetary terms, but also in terms of your character, your spirit and your charming humour. Now, Mr Hester. One final question: What does the taxpayer think of you, do you reckon?</span><br />
<br />
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Hester</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">: The taxpayer? Who gives a fuck about them?</span>
</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-67845967331690284302012-01-30T12:25:00.005+00:002012-01-30T16:03:43.120+00:00Look at the size of my bonus? Not half!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<i>A leading international banker writes:</i><br />
<br />
"Hello. Over recent weeks, there has been much huffing and puffing over the thorny issue of bankers and their huge bonuses. And I'm bound to say that it is, for the most part, stuff and nonsense. The world financial system is in turmoil right now and I would simply like to ask you this: Who do you reckon's going sort out this infernal mess? Politicians? Mandarins? Technocrats? Not bloody likely! What do they know about the complexities of financial systems??<br />
<br />
"Let me offer you an analogy that might explain the predicament we're currently facing:-<br />
<br />
"Just imagine for one moment, if you will, that you have decided to take your family on a bit of an adventure holiday this year. You possess a state-of-the-art 4x4 and you fancy going on a trek, venturing out to some sparsely populated region of, say, Eastern Europe or Asia.<br />
<br />
"Of course, your family members are not quite as gung-ho as you and are concerned that the region you've chosen is not somewhere you'd want to break down.<br />
<br />
"You re-assure them that your 4x4 is too big, expensive and technologically sound to fail. You tell them that these 'mommas' just do not break down. And anyway, even if you do encounter minor difficulties, your Premium Insurance Plan will pick you up from anywhere in the world and get you to the nearest registered dealer - however far away that may be.<br />
<br />
"So, off you go, exploring the more unspoilt regions of Eastern Europe, encountering no problems whatsoever, until, on day six of your trip, you discover that a problem with the automatic clutch transmission is creating a strange clunking sound whenever you pull away from junctions (assuming they have any junctions in this God-forsaken part of the world!)<br />
<br />
"But it isn't a problem. You can still drive the damn thing and eventually you make your way to some fellow claiming to be a registered dealer in the nearest town one hundred and fifty miles away. He says that he knows what the problem is and can sort it out if you leave the car with him overnight. You check into the local five star hotel (assuming there is one) on the assumption everything will be okay by morning.<br />
<br />
"But when you return, what do you find? The idiot has somehow blown up the engine and it is going to cost you a fortune to have it fixed. You expect him to do the job for free since he caused it, but he refuses. He says it was "circumstances beyond my control, Sir". What are you going to do, drive it away to the next town? You can't, it's buggered. Have it towed away to the next town, only to find some other goon who will charge you even more, and who might create even greater havoc?<br />
<br />
"You get onto the insurance company and they tell you that since the car is already at a registered dealer there is nothing more they can do. You'll have to use this guy or fork out for the car to be towed to the next town, to the next overpriced goon.<br />
<br />
"So you stick with the devil you know. You tell the mechanic to go ahead. You're stuck in this hell-hole for two weeks, whilst he ships in the parts and drafts in the (monumentally overpriced) labour to help sort the job out. You end up paying ten times what he quoted and you probably won't be able claim it all on insurance.<br />
<br />
"But what else could you do? He was a registered dealer at least. He ordered the right parts and managed to get your car back on the road (eventually). There was no-one else qualified to do the job (apart from the idiot in the nearest town two hundred miles away).<br />
<br />
"But hey, look on the bright side. At least you're motoring again!<br />
<br />
"So anyway, where was I?<br />
<br />
"Yes, what I was going to say is that we bankers, we're a bit like that car dealer /mechanic in my analogy (or the dealer in the next town or in the town beyond that.) We might have caused the problem in the first place. We might charge an arm and a leg to sort out the problem. You might feel that we've got you over a barrel.<br />
<br />
"But - and this is a big but - who the hell else do you think is going to get you back on the road?"<br />
<br />
"Eh?"<br />
<div><br />
</div></div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-78391472703292338352011-12-27T10:22:00.007+00:002011-12-27T16:15:07.477+00:00End of Year Quiz<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<i>Who, in 2011, said the following?</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
- "They say I am a bad man because I hurt lot of people in my time. But I have many good reasons for doing these things. After I have seen this terrible September Eleven disaster movie all those years ago with all these planes and these towers falling down, then I take decision I must hate these mass destruction weapons as much as everyone else. It is then that I realise it is wrong to have these mass destruction weapons and it is much, much better to torture people instead - which is something I have always been very good at."<br />
<br />
<b>- "G'day! Now, say what you like about the PCC. But nahbody can deny they dealt with these press complaints in a dignified, sensitive and, most important of all, a restrained manner. And long may that continue. Good on yer, PCC!"</b><br />
<br />
- "Sure I'd hand your London School of Economics a donation if that could play a part in my "rehabilitation". And I guess the guys at the LSE would accept it - after all, my "rehabilitation" would be good news for them too. Right? Added to that they get the chance to fund some cutting edge research into good governance within the criminal underworld. So you might just call it a win-win situation."<br />
<br />
<b>- “Yeah, well the reason I went out the other day and smashed all them shop windows was cos I was angry when they withdrew the edducashonal mentinanc… the educachinell minetinence allouwan… the educcasinall maintinnin… cos I needed a new 42 inch plasma TV.”</b><br />
<br />
- "Mr Murdoch once called me "a very political old monk shuffling around in Gucci shoes". I wonder what kind of foot-wear Mr. Murdoch will be wearing in his next incarnation."<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>- "Where has all of da money gone? I do not know. This is not easy to explain, I tell you. But one thing that I do know is the whores, which we all know to be very important to society, they do not pay any of the taxes. So maybe this tax situation of these whores, that has a something to do with it. Perhaps."</b></div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-79845447759092871382011-12-23T20:22:00.007+00:002011-12-24T22:51:30.644+00:00Special Offer! Peace on Earth!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Peace on earth* goodwill toward men*<br />
<br />
*<i>Offer not open to ambulance-chasing lawyers and insurers, bureaucrats, bonus-grabbing bankers, producers of crap advertising, feral youth, feral rich, bureaucrats, PRs, lobbyists, bureaucrats, oligarchs, off-shore bankers, makers of reality TV shows, corrupt newspaper proprietors/editors, liars, cheats, frauds, Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan... and, er bureaucrats.</i></div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-66692393136362208442011-12-17T17:33:00.008+00:002011-12-18T17:35:14.998+00:00In praise of The Freedom of Information Act<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<i>An 'insider' writes:</i><br />
<br />
"Far be it from me to *REDACTED*<br />
<br />
"It is indeed unacceptable that *REDACTED*<br />
<br />
"And despite everything we know about *REDACTED*<br />
<br />
"And essentially that's my p *REDACTED*</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-32998285040119528222011-12-12T15:17:00.002+00:002011-12-17T11:57:30.900+00:00An Ode to Joy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<i>A Eurocrat writes:</i><br />
<br />
"Fortune shines once again on the illustrious Eurocrats - at least as far as certain sections of your British media are concerned!<br />
<br />
"Only a while ago we were a bunch of grey and indistinctive men in suits with inane grins on our faces. Only a while ago we were the "load of idiots" who had apparently got Europe into this mess in the first place.<br />
<br />
"And now, what a turn around for the books, is it not?<br />
<br />
"For it is now your Monsieur Camion who is in the dog-house for not wanting to offer up your oh-so-cherished British sovereignty to grey and indistinctive "idiots" like ourselves in Brussels! And what an isolationist he has shown himself to be!<br />
<br />
"How happy I am to see your British media changing its mind! It is all making me want to sing an Ode To Joy!<br />
<br />
<i>"You millions, I embrace you.</i><br />
<i>This kiss is for all the world!</i><br />
<i>Brothers, above the starry canopy</i><br />
<i>There must dwell a loving Father.</i><br />
<i>Do you fall in worship, you millions?</i><br />
<i>World, do you know your creator?</i><br />
<i>Seek him in the heavens;</i><br />
<i>Above the stars must He dwell."</i><br />
<br />
"What a shame it is that you British in your (not very substantial nor visionary) millions have not the desire to share the love and the warm embrace that we Eurocrats have to offer you. Perhaps it is because you still believe that we are "bunch of idiots in Brussels" who got Europe into this mess in the first place.<br />
<br />
"But I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth!"<br />
<br />
</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-61715096968024625492011-12-05T10:41:00.035+00:002011-12-08T23:34:44.459+00:00'Cos they said so...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
What brought on the summer riots?<br />
<br />
We've assembled a panel of experts - journalists, sociologists, socio-psychologists, psycho-sociologists, social journalists, Guardian journalists, social networkers, psycho-networkers, concerned politicians, academics, concerned academics, Guardian Newspaper academics, and, members of the LSE - who claim they know why the riots took place.<br />
<br />
They know <i>because</i> they've engaged with the rioters, talked to them directly. And they have, quite justifiably, taken the words of these rioters as Gospel.<br />
<br />
According to our statistics the rioters acted as they did for the following reasons:-<br />
<br />
99.98 % claimed hostility towards the Police, even though the Police were nowhere to be seen at the time.<br />
<br />
99.45% claimed it was <i>down</i> to the Police and the very fact<i> that</i> they were nowhere to be seen at the time.<br />
<br />
97.98 % said it was to do with the shooting of Mark Duggan, even though 99 % of these respondents also asked: "Who's Mark Duggan?"<br />
<br />
98.3746 % cited poverty and the fact that everybody has the right to a 40" plasma TV.<br />
<br />
93.456 % blamed poor parenting - their parents brought them up believing they had the right to a plasma TV. In addition, many parents were involved in the riots.<br />
<br />
<br />
This appears to be proof, were proof required, that <i>all</i> other explanations for the summer riots are unfounded. And this is because the rioters have said so.<br />
<br />
Now, the <i>unfounded</i> explanations for the riots are as follows:-<br />
<br />
10.2101 % claimed downright criminality, which we opinion-formers have taken with a pinch of salt and interpreted as quite simply mistaken.<br />
<br />
3.454 % have raised the issue of gang culture. But then they would raise it, wouldn't they, what with everyone in the media telling them gang culture was to blame?<br />
<br />
</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-37611632969792934422011-11-30T19:22:00.009+00:002011-12-03T15:43:06.866+00:00The Information Commissioner's Rap<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<i>Ever wondered what an Information Commissioner does for a living? We asked our "resident commissioner" to rap on the subject...</i><br />
<br />
I'm da commissioner.<br />
The info MC<br />
There's nothing, no info<br />
Don't pass by me<br />
<br />
Got my powers<br />
From da powers-that-be<br />
They said my job<br />
Was to "oversee"<br />
<br />
"Oversee what?" I asked<br />
"Will you please tell me?"<br />
"Personal data," say they<br />
Of guys like you and me."<br />
<br />
"But what do I do<br />
When Rupert M wants our data?"<br />
"Dunno," say they<br />
"Get back to you later?"<br />
<br />
Chorus: <i> </i><br />
<br />
<i>Much, much later...</i><br />
<i>Much much later... </i><br />
<i>So much later... </i><br />
<i>All da sensitive data.</i></div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-41282829593542755082011-11-28T19:09:00.004+00:002011-11-29T09:50:35.699+00:00Stop the presses!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<b><i>What happened to "characters" previously depicted on these pages?</i></b><br />
<br />
<b>1) Did the predictions of a mad Libyan oligarch come true?</b><br />
<br />
"These crazy rebels, they will use Libya's oil money to buy drugs from that Satan Obama. These drugs will make the rebels dream insane dreams. The ordinary citizen will think he can eat the desert sands and eat the camels, all the camels in Libya, even the brother sister's camels, and after that he will want to eat the tent in which he live and the tent in which I live too. And soon after that, all the camels in Libya and everywhere, they too will want to eat all the tents. And after that happen, President Osama, he will send his dogs into Libya. And he will have given them guns and hallucinatory drugs as well. Those dogs, they will then want to shoot the camels and eat them. And then the sands, they will swallow up the camels and the tents and the peoples. And all of Libya will disappear into nowhere. I ask you: What kind of hallucinations is that? Not my kind, peoples. Not my kind."<br />
<br />
<b>2) What happened to the man brought in to advise on breast-milk ice-cream?</b><br />
<br />
"I have looked long and hard at female breasts. As a rich source of nourishment for developing infants, breasts are invaluable. But I do not believe we should look at breasts - common though they may be - as something to be taken for granted, that is to say, as the basis for food production. Would it not be so much simpler for retailers to produce and market breast-milk flavoured ice cream?"<br />
<br />
<b>3) What's up with Lord Prescott?</b><br />
<br />
"Just because I have decided to don the ermine which has always been the very insignia of working class oppressors through the ages, it in no way, shape or form suggests that I am about to surrender my fight with those who would undermine those values and those beliefs that I have fought for all of my working life to overcome.<br />
<br />
"However I would like to state without uncertainty that those rumours suggesting I am about to follow the path of Comrade Blair and adopt the learnings and the rituals of the Pontiff in Rome and the acceptance of the Latin Mass have no foundation nor justification here on earth nor anywhere else at this present time."<br />
<br />
<b>4) Large Hadron Collider - Despite a stack of money being thrown at this Geneva based "experiment" scientists now indicate the Higgs-Boson particle might not actually exist after all. Here's what we said previously:-</b><br />
<br />
Hadron Collider will be sold to developers<br />
<br />
The powers that be have come up with a novel solution: convert the collider into a theme park, which will include a Super-Collider Fun Ride, plus an activity centre that'll show people how to make their own Higgs-Bozo particle.<br />
<br />
Fashion designers will launch a range of "Collision" Clothing and toy manufacturers will produce scale models of the particle - which should provide hours of fun for children.<br />
<br />
Asked to comment on these developments, a scientist called Ron said: “We might as well put the collider to some use. And anyway, I was sick of my mates saying: You know what? We’ve been had Ron.”<br />
<br />
<b>5) What became of all those esoteric financial products that bankrupted global economies?</b><br />
<br />
"Guys, guys, guys... collateralised debt obligations are so last season.We've an exciting new range of products nowadays. For example: "Collateralised vulture re-purchase funds", "re-collateralised quantitative easing obligations", "de-collateralised sub-prime re-purchase profits-only obligations", "fractionally-collateralised inflationary no-lose take-profit obligations", "quasi-collateralised bonus obligation obligations", and the latest "un-reconstructed massive-bonus re-newal obligations".<br />
<br />
So don't say that bankers haven't changed. In fact we've totally re-invented ourselves!"<br />
<br />
<i>The original "stories" can be found by using the search engine to the right!</i><br />
<div><br />
</div></div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-84264506005075362252011-11-24T11:45:00.018+00:002011-11-26T00:00:17.877+00:00Everybody needs good neighbours<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<b>From the archive:-</b><br />
<br />
<i>These days Select Committee hearings focus mainly on policing and the behaviour of the tabloid press (the televised ones do, at least.) But not that long ago it was bankers who were in the spotlight.</i><br />
<br />
<i>On one occasion back in early 2010, the boss of RBS, Stephen Hester, tried to laugh off his exorbitant pay packet. </i><i>Here's how this blog viewed his performance back then. (H</i><i>ow times have changed...):-</i><br />
<br />
<b>MONDAY, 11 JANUARY 2010 - "10 million pound RBS Boss: Even my parents think I'm a greedy bastard."</b><br />
<br />
<i>RBS boss Stephen Hester gave evidence to the Treasury select committee yesterday afternoon. This is the "transcript" of that evidence.</i><br />
<br />
<b>John McFall, MP</b>: May I ask, what do your parents think of you, Mr Hester?<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: They think I'm a greedy bastard.<br />
<br />
<i>(Roars of laughter in the committee room)</i><br />
<br />
<b>McFall</b>: <i>(Wiping tears from his eyes)</i> Very good, Mr Hester. If I may say, that is an excellent joke. And one that I would expect from someone of your great stature. Now moving on, what does your wife think of you?<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: She thinks I'm a greedy bastard, but she likes the new kitchen.<br />
<br />
<i>(Derision throughout the chamber. Sound of MPs and journalists falling off their chairs)</i><br />
<br />
<b>McFall</b>: You're in the wrong job, Mr Hester. You're a regular comedian, are you not? Were I head of light entertainment at the BBC I would pay you at least twenty million.<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: Indeed you would Mr McFall. Indeed you would.<br />
<br />
<i>(More laughter and derision.)</i><br />
<br />
<b>McFall</b>: <i>(Fighting to hold back the tears)</i> Too much, too much, Mr Hester... Now, Mr H. What do your children think of you? And please, please take your time. I haven't yet wiped away all of those tears that your last joke caused.<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: What do my children think? Well, Tom loved the Porsche. Tallulah adored the new pony and paddock, whilst Ed thinks I'm God after I bought him the recording studio.<br />
<br />
<i>(The chamber descends into chaos)</i><br />
<br />
<b>McFall</b>: I have never come across such flair, such elegant wit. I am lucky to be here at this moment in time. Indeed, very lucky. Now, Mr Hester, what do your neighbours make of you?<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: My neighbours think I'm a greedy bastard. That's because they are envious. They tell people in our local village that I am a tosser. But they have to be nice to my face. You see, each year my family throws the most lavish summer ball in the county. If neighbours Ron and Val don't show due deference whenever they are in my company then they will find themselves very much uninvited. So, Ron and Val... who are the tossers now, eh? Eh?<br />
<br />
<i>(Howls of laughter around the chamber)</i><br />
<br />
<b>McFall</b>: <i>(Trying to compose himself) </i>We are witnessing pure genius. None could ever possibly question your salary, however high it might be, Mr Hester. You are indeed a man who is not simply rich in monetary terms, but also in terms of your character, your spirit and your charming humour. Now, Mr Hester. One final question: What does the taxpayer think of you, do you reckon?<br />
<br />
<b>Hester</b>: The taxpayer? Who the hell gives a fuck about them?</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-12235573950424513262011-11-22T12:15:00.003+00:002011-11-22T12:18:17.292+00:00When bankers were (just as) powerful.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
On BBC2 this evening satirist Ian Hislop will take a look at philanthropy within the Victorian banking community. He will focus on characters like Peabody, Gurney and Rothschild all of whom "gave something back to society".<br />
<br />
But before we get too excited, we should remember there was one thing Victorian bankers were as loathe to "give back" as their modern counterparts. Namely, power.<br />
<br />
Here are a couple of relevant quotes (lest we forget) :-<br />
<br />
<b>Baron Nathan Mayer de Rothschild:</b><br />
<br />
<i>“I care not what puppet is placed upon the throne of England to rule the Empire on which the sun never sets. The man that controls Britain’s money supply controls the British Empire, and I control the British money supply.”</i><br />
<br />
<b>Rt. Hon. Reginald McKenna, Midland Bank, England's Secretary of the Exchequer:</b><br />
<br />
<i>"Those who create and issue money and credit direct the policies of government and hold in the hollow of their hands the destiny of the people."</i><br />
<br />
Problem is, how do you encourage bankers to give (power) back to society?</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-39113357649954224922011-11-18T17:17:00.005+00:002011-11-27T11:33:54.257+00:00The Lyricism of the Technocrat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">A technocrat writes:<br />
<br />
"You know, just because we are supposedly grey, unelected technocrats, this does not mean that we are thinking, sleeping and dreaming in barren prose all of the time. No! On the contrary. You will be aware that my good friend and fellow Europhile, Herman Von Rompuy has a great love of the Japanese art of Haiku. And we have been seeing many of his great works in such a respect over recent years.<br />
<br />
"I too would love to share with you one of my efforts in the art of poetry. It is a clever and challenging variation on the words of that great chap and fellow St. Francis of Assisi. And I hope that you will a-see-see the true poignancy of my work (that sentence was what you British might call a pun - of sorts, anyhow!)<br />
<br />
<i>"Where there is discord, may we bring fiscal harmonisation,</i><br />
<i>Where there is error, may we bring political formalisation,</i><br />
<i>Where there is doubt, may we bring jargon (of the Euro-specific variety),</i><br />
<i>And where there is despair, may you lot simply get used to it."</i><br />
<br />
"These are my heartfelt words and I hope you will understand where I am now coming from! Thank you.</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-48669419867032546462011-11-12T13:06:00.004+00:002011-11-27T11:35:10.148+00:00We're no wise-guys!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">A newspaper magnate writes:<br />
<br />
"I would like to comment on what I deem to be the somewhat inappropriate remarks made by a certain Mr. Watson during the select committee hearing that I had the good fortune to attend this week.<br />
<br />
"Mr. Watson insinuated on a number of occasions that the behaviour of myself and Papa over recent years might well be compared (although not confined) to the various actions of our good friend and confidante Don Vito, whom, incidentally I have rarely met, and then only in circumstances where it was appropriate to discuss a recent baseball game or the declining state of European finances.<br />
<br />
"Whilst it is commonplace for successful senior executives such as myself to "hang out" with wise-guys from time to time, this should in no way be taken to infer that Papa or I in any way condone the actions of such guys, which invariably, I am told, include the pursuit, surveillance and "taking out" of enemies and the planting of horses heads in bed-clothing in order to generate a sense of menace thereof.<br />
<br />
"I can state quite categorically that, to the best of my knowledge, the organisation that Papa and I currently run is in most instances thoroughly "clean". Where certain indiscretions, like those indicated, but as yet unproven by the select committee, have indeed occurred this will have been simply on the basis of expediency. And those executives who have engaged in said indiscretions will have, for the most part, been dealt with in the appropriate manner (which, for the sake of confidentiality, I am not at liberty to divulge.)<br />
<br />
"I hope that this sets the record straight. I trust that it is also clear from the tone of my statement herein that I do in no way display the style nor the nuances of a Capo (di tutti Capi or otherwise), but rather those of a Harvard man who has succesfully gone on to run a global media concern. As for Mr. Watson, I am unable in this instance to say how exactly we will respond to the allegations that he made this week. This is due to the fact that my organisation's code of honour expressly forbids me from doing so.</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8139297432394866560.post-90262835783520903612011-11-10T19:33:00.012+00:002011-11-10T19:48:05.135+00:00Euro if you want to<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><i>Poetry corner...</i><br />
<br />
Euro, Euro, Euro your boat<br />
Gently down the stream<br />
If you see a crocodile<br />
Don't forget to reach some kind of negotiated settlement<br />
<br />
</div>Ned Luddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08050301729584268154noreply@blogger.com0