News in Brief - From the other papers

David Cameron denies regime change

The Conservative leader David Cameron has been forced to deny that the real reason for wanting to oust Gordon Brown is 'regime change'.

The opposition leader is frequently accused of not putting enough 'clear blue water' between his party and Labour. And now people are asking whether Mr. Cameron is being honest with the voters.

However, the opposition leader stated, "Whilst The PM is an authoritarian buffoon who has bled this country dry and turned it into a police state, it would be wrong to depose him for these reasons and these reasons alone."

When pressed on his real motives, he said, "It's the power, stupid."


Dolphins as smart as humans claim - cf. Sunday Times

The Dolphin Parliament has decided that it is about time humans realised how intelligent dolphins are. It has decided to 'reach out' and invite a delegation of high profile humans, including politicians and celebrities to its state of the art metropolis. The dolphins will demonstrate how they too drive sophisticated motor cars, can build sky scrapers, adore reality television, stab one another, and can even split the atom. One of the celebrities in the human delegation has apparently asked, "What's an atom?"

Pop star to drop regional accent

A pop star with a regional accent has agreed to take elocution lessons in order to win a multimillion dollar cosmetics contract. The star commented, "Why elocution lessons? Bicizz yer wiiirrrth ett."