According to the Guardian Newspaper, a sketch written by a 29-year-old Harold Panter and lost for more than half a century, has surfaced as a result of diligent detective work.
The sketch, set on the sunbathed terrace of a hotel and called Whips, is Panteresque. And the designated pauses are something of a give-away, or so we're told...
Two gentlemen politicians in deckchairs sit on the terrace of a large hotel. Wearing shorts and sunglasses. Sunbathing. They do not move throughout the exchange
A: The heat is too intense for me today.
PAUSE
B: The heat?
A: The heat. In the house.
PAUSE
B: Well, you're damn lucky you've got your whip.
A: My whip, old boy?
PAUSE
B: The whip. You're damn lucky you've got the whip
A: Yes. Means the world to me. I never find myself at a loss. You understand what I mean?
B: You're a shrewd fellow, I'll say that for you.
PAUSE
A: My house is full of whips.
B: You can't have too many.
A: You've never said a truer word, old boy.
PAUSE
B: I haven't got one to bless myself with.
PAUSE
A: Well, I can foresee a time you'll regret it.
B: I think the time's come, old boy.
A: You can't be too careful, old boy.
PAUSE
B: Well, you've got your feet firmly planted on the earth, there's no doubt about that.
PAUSE
A: I certainly feel secure, old boy.
B: Yes, you know where you stand, all right. You can't take that away from you.
PAUSE
A: You'll find they're a true friend to you, whips.
PAUSE
B: Maybe I'll buy one.
PAUSE
A: Don't come to me. It would be like tearing my heart out, to part with any of mine.
PAUSE
B: You find them handy, eh?
PAUSE
A: Yes ... Oh, yes. When the heat's intense, particularly.
PAUSE
B: D'you reckon the other side ever feel the same way about whips? About their whips?
PAUSE
A: I dare say they do, old boy. Regularly.
PAUSE
B: I bet some of them would love to use their whips on us. Occasionally.
PAUSE
A: I bet they would.
B: And, of course, some of us would love to use our whips on them.
PAUSE
A: Some of us would love them to use their whips on us. Occasionally. If you catch my drift.
B: I think I do. Catch your drift.
PAUSE
A: But. Perhaps there's a third way.
PAUSE
B: A third way? Or a third whip?
PAUSE
A: Correct, old boy. A third whip.
PAUSE
B: That's where I thought this was leading.
PAUSE
A: Really?
B: Yes. Leading to a third whip.
PAUSE
A: Really?
B: Yes.
PAUSE
A: You must remember one thing, old boy.
B: What's that?
PAUSE
A: What we're talking about is very different to a "three line whip". Would you agree?
PAUSE
B: Indeed I would.
Blackout
© The estate of Harold Panter 2011
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