News in Brief

Large Hadron Collider: scientists create the racket of the ‘God particle’

Scientists hoping to make the £6bn Hadron experiment more accessible claim to have simulated the sounds that will be made by sub-atomic particles such as the Higgs boson when they are produced at the Collider. Their goal is to "listen to the data" and pick out the Higgs particle if and when they finally detect it.

Said one scientist: "Now you can listen to the baloney as it emerges from the collider, rather than just read about it in the newspapers."

When asked for his take on the Higgs Bozo particle, artist and comedian Rolf Harris added: "Can you hear what it is yet?"

Budget draws ideological battle lines (allegedly)

The BBC has denied any ideological bias in its reporting of the budget. In an interview with George Osborne on the flagship Today programme Evan Davis suggested that many of The Chancellor's budget measures were ideological. There is no word yet as to whether Davis's line of questioning was itself ideological. But The Old Meerkat will no doubt enlighten listeners at some point.