Douglas Alexander, Labour's election campaign co-ordinator today unveiled the party's new operating system. Labour has in recent years received a barrage of complaints about its 'clunky software' that regularly seizes up and crashes, frequently leaving the user unable to work, frustrated and out of pocket. Alexander hopes the release of the operating system will demonstrate that the party deserves a fourth term, on the basis that 'this time we won't screw up the IT'.
"Essentially, we know that we deserve a fourth term. And deep down so do the British people. We have much work still to do - like consolidating power. To quote Gordon, when he was asked for his assessment of the New Labour Project: "It is too early to say. Ask me again at the end of our ninth term. Although it will be too early then as well."
"Historically Labour has used technology as a form of control. And we always will. Forever and ever." he said. He went on to discuss election strategy: "We learnt from studying Obama's campaign how to use technology to empower your supporters. And that is what we want: To empower the people to support Labour."
Asked whether Labour's approach to technology smacked of 'Big Brother', Alexander replied: "The only 'Big Brother' that gets discussed in Labour circles is the reality TV show." He then added, "There is nothing to worry about - assuming you are innocent, that is. And anyway, we'll probably lose all the information in the post."
He concluded: "Don't call us, we'll be watching you."
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Where are my royalties, man?
ReplyDeleteCan I remind people that I am in fact a benign dictator and that therefore this makes it acceptable to tell you how to live your lives.
ReplyDeleteThese dictators... I don't know who they think they are... always watching people. I bet they have net curtains specially installed so they can stand behind them watching all them comings and goings. I say its plain nosey.
ReplyDeleteReminds me, need to get mine to the dry cleaners today.
When Labour politicians turn into capitalists they retain their obsessions with controlling and monitoring other people's lives, but they exempt their wealthy merchant banker friends from this.
ReplyDeleteHence ID cards for us, crap regulation for banks. Worst of both worlds
National Identity Database and the other roll call are examples of New Labour's control-freak mentality. They should be ditched, along with the Labour government, later this year.
ReplyDeleteWill the conservatives really get rid of all this if they win? You know what happens when these rats win power?
ReplyDeleteYou can be arrested for taking pictures in landmark London.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most repressive government in the last hundred years at least.
Why do the grass roots support it?
Surveillance is going to get a whole lot worse when the Independent Safeguarding Authority is operational
ReplyDeleteNew Labour, New Fascism more like
ReplyDeleteA recent House of Lords report revealed that the police are now trying to arrest as many people, for any triviality, so as to get as full a DNA database as possible.
ReplyDeleteWhat the Soviets never achieved... We did to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOr at least we will if we let Brown back in.
Who needs tanks?
Is the UK becoming a New Labour experiment gone bad?
ReplyDeleteOr worse... Are all those 'ex-Marxists'... er... not really... er, so 'ex'?
So Orwell was right. Now which party used to attack him?
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with using technology to organise?
ReplyDeleteApparently the 'Dark Lord' Mandrix, when he saw the film Matrix thought that it was a useful blueprint for running a country.
ReplyDeleteSad, and apparently the gap's narrowing
ReplyDelete