Prime Minister Gordon Brown has denied that during his years as Chancellor he was viewed as the 'lick-spittle' of a small coterie of wealthy businessmen and bankers. It has been suggested that during the 'noughties' his policies amounted to little more than a sycophantic attempt to wipe the bottoms of certain elite business friends who commonly referred to him as 'the butler'.
A spokesman for the PM said: "It is obvious that these allegations were dreamt up on the playing fields of ignorance - in an ignorant, poorly educated, vacuous Britain for whom celebrity is the new aristocracy, and which believes that playing fields are places where people spend their time dreaming things up."
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Er, I would just like to add that I do know the difference between poorly constructed metaphor and a poorly constructed simile. It is my advisors who come up with these crassly written one-liners.
ReplyDeleteOh, no. It is on the cricket square where people can really dream... of old maids bicycling to holy communion through the morning mist, long shadows on cricket grounds, warm beer, invincible green suburbs... sorry, I got carried away there
ReplyDeleteWell, it might be the new aristocracy, but at least it ain't the old one.
ReplyDelete(Does anyone know what aristocracy means, by the way?)
Can I make it clear that I think meritrocy, or whatever it is, is the best thing.
ReplyDeleteI got to be famous not because my dad is a Duke but thanks to my own talent.
Keep up the good work Gordon. Britain is just where I want it.
ReplyDeleteYes, keep up the good work, Gordon. 'Sterling' as we say in the city.
ReplyDeleteI used to be rubbish, but after following Gordon's lick-spittle course, I made millions.
ReplyDeleteWhats wrong with aristrocity or class?
ReplyDeleteI got loads of both of them
Can I just add that, because Sir Fred Good-win walked away with a multi million pound pension pot after leaving a broken RBS, it does not automatically mean that my policies benefitted people like him
ReplyDeleteWell said, Boy Brown, I couldn't have put it better myself.
ReplyDeleteYou are the best butler a man could ever hire!
Thank you Sir and thanks to you to Simon Foul, sir.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, as you can only read this, you cannot see me tugging my forelock, but please be assured that that is indeed what I am doing right now as I address you sir.
It's so naff for politicians to say that they should serve the people.
ReplyDeleteThey should be serving the business people and celebrities who allow them to stay in power
In my day, any boy caught dreaming on the playing fields would have been given a damned good hiding
ReplyDelete