Cameron to 'ration' cabinet salaries

Hot on the heels of confirmed bachelor Alan Duncan's outburst about 'living on rations', the Leader of the Opposition David Cameron has now been accused of discriminating against the privileged. His decision to cut front bench salaries has been declared 'plutophobic' by certain high profile figures on both sides of the house who are partial to a 'bit on the side' (outside earnings) and who like 'batting for the other team' (the private sector). But Mr Cameron who is yet to come out of the closet when it comes to declaring his own appetites thinks that he might be able to improve his standing with the public if he takes the knife to his honourable members. At a stroke he would appease a public that wants MPs to feel some of the pain of the recession whilst also appearing to show concern for more junior members who feel that Mr Cameron failed to shield them throughout the expenses scandal. But the Conservative leader has of course failed to factor in Mayor Boris Johnson, or Boris the Blond Bombshell, as he is known in Eton circles. Boris is already known to have claimed that his own income is 'chicken-feed' - which amongst plutosexuals is code for 'not getting enough.' Boris is well known for his voracious appetites and whilst not a Cabinet Member, he has on many occasions expressed his opposition to 'milking the rich'. Boris said today: "My background might indeed be somewhat privileged. Some people even call me a 'nob'. But one thing I do know is that we 'nobs' should stick together." But a chastened Mr Cameron replied: "I remember Boris from my Eton days and in those days we did indeed swing together. But if Boris thinks that I am going to jeopardise our chances at the next election so that he can feed his chicken then he has another thing coming."